Recently, a close friend of mine went through a sudden breakup. I checked in on her often to see how she was doing, and I have been very impressed and have admired her resilience and strength in this ordeal and time of transition. In this article, I will use her account of lessons she learned in how to get over a breakup fast, and it’s important to note that it is her account and experience which I am re-telling.
First, make sure to cut off all contact. Immediately. Delete all the former significant other’s friends on social media, and delete all photos including yourself and the person, and go guns blazing and delete everything that reminds you of the significant other. Throw away everything sentimental they ever gave you, unless it’s something of practical value, like a backpack or pen. But, if it’s really difficult, give the necklaces and other miscellaneous presents from the significant to your friends. In particular, if it’s a stuffed animal, make sure to hide it in your closet.
However, remember not to spend any more emotional capacity on the significant other because they are not in your life anymore. You will spend a few days reminiscing, and that’s okay, but make sure to resolve all those thoughts thinking “it was for the best.” It’s normal to be sad and angry, but, again, remember to not spend any more emotional capacity on them because they are not in your life anymore.
You have friends and you have good ones — make sure to bug them, and if they’re your true friends, they will console you. Spend time with those friends. If you see your former significant other at school, you have to fake it until you make it. That’s the important part: fake it till you make it, and do not talk to them. You will have an urge to reach out and talk to them, but deleting their contact information will help. You will want to add them and say something. Just don’t — they don’t need to hear it and you don’t need to say it.
Don’t feel bad for yourself if you’re the one who got dumped. That’s a spiral no one wants to go down. No one wants to hear it. Make sure to go easy on Tinder. It shouldn’t be a ploy to get your self-confidence back, because it’s not going to help in the long run.
Sad music is also a spiral, but sometimes you just have to listen to it. If you’re an emotionally attaching person, don’t find a rebound because you’re going to have feelings for too many people and that’s exhausting, and that won’t work. Don’t forget to think about what you learned from the relationship and the breakup, so you know what you’re looking for in the next person and you know what you could potentially improve on.
If you’re thinking your ex is going to miss you when you’re gone, and that you’ll get back together, don’t, because you’re not worth an afterthought. The bottom line is this: know your worth. Don’t spiral. Don’t talk to them. They don’t deserve you.
It’s been a while since I myself had a break-up, so I perhaps cannot relate as well to my friend’s words as I should. However, coping with a breakup is a way of coping with loss, something I have written extensively about in the past. Sometimes, a breakup or loss leads to a loss of identity. We navigate our lives in crisis, trying to figure out and discover how to regain that person we lost and how to move on.
In writing that article, I came to realize something, something that wasn’t necessarily good or bad, but something that just happens. “One thing is very clear,” I said. “To regain a sense of identity, you have to accept that your new identity is going to be different.” We can’t go back to the way things were. As much as we want that, it’s just not possible. Normal becomes a new normal, and that’s something we have to be okay with.
As much as we lose, we also gain. And every person’s journey through a loss or breakup is different. We pick up different things and gain different things. But what happened to each of us, the choices each of us made, well, that couldn’t have happened to anyone else. One thing I gained was gratitude and trust in my faith, in a higher power God that controls the past, present, future, and has a plan for my life as well as everyone else’s.
I do not know what the future holds. I have erred more ways than I’ve done what I’m supposed to. I wallow too much, sometimes. Sometimes, bitterness, depression and sadness about my losses hit me like a train, out of the blue, in an inopportune time when I have other things to focus on and a life to move onto. And I am individually different from my friend in that I’ll get stuck in that rut for a long time, and in those moments I self-destruct and lash out as some sort of cry for help, as an indirect way of saying I can’t do this alone.
What’s the right way to move on from a breakup or loss? What is the right thing to do when it comes to navigating everything that reminds you of your loss? There is no right way. You know yourself best, and you have the strength to find your own.
Originally published at www.theodysseyonline.com on April 1, 2019.