"Killing Me Softly With His Snoring" -- Love Songs for Long-Married Couples

Roz Warren


When the two of you are driving to the chiropractor, to the pharmacy, or to attend your grandson’s kindergarten play to catch his appearance as Snow Flake Number Seven, the songs you first fell in love to might still be on the radio, but they no longer seem relevant. Instead?

Here are a few Love Songs for Long-Married Couples:

Every Little Thing She Does Is Menopausal

I Got You and Cialis, Babe

My Heart Will Go On, Now That I’ve Got This Pacemaker

Baby I Love Your Hot Flashes

Total Eclipse of The Hip

I Will Always Love You, Even When You Steal The Blankets

Maybe I’m Amazed That I Still Remember Your Name

Time after Time You Remove Your Dentures

Killing Me Softly With His Snoring

All You Need is Bran

When A Man Loves A Woman (He Invests Wisely In a 401(k))

Love Me Tender (I’ve Got Brittle Bones)

It’s only Love (That Keeps Me From Throwing Out That Old Barcalounger)

I Want You To Want Me To Buy A New Tesla.

First Time Ever I Saw Your Face Was in 1968

How Deep Is your Love Because I Can’t Reach that Top Shelf

Love To Love You Baby But Not After 9:30

Heartbreak Hotel Has Better Rates With A Senior Discount

You Are The Sunshine of My Life and I’m Using SPF 30.

You’re The one That I Want — To Go Down And Make The Coffee

Love Will Keep us Together Because It Sure Isn’t Your Cooking

I Will Survive Your Cooking

Fly Me To The Moon So I Can Avoid Your Cooking

Feels So Right To Get Chinese Take Out

Three Times A Lady Called About That Insurance Policy

Let’s Get It On Before The Early Bird Special Ends

(By Roz Warren and Janet Golden)

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Roz Warren, the author of JUST ANOTHER DAY AT YOUR LOCAL PUBLIC LIBRARY, has appeared on both the Today Show and Morning Edition, writes for everyone from the Funny Times to the New York Times, and has been included in 13 Chicken Soup for the Soul collections. Drop her a line at roSwarren@gmail.com.

Bala Cynwyd, PA

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