After He's Left You, Will You Still Get Together With Your Husband?

Roz Warren

I belong to a support group for women whose marriages broke up after their husbands cheated on them. We were recently Zooming, and one of us mentioned that she and her soon-to-be-ex husband had just stopped by to pick up some stuff he’d left in the basement — and they’d ended up in bed together.

“It’s not cheating,” she said. “We’re still married!”

Most of the group agreed. Even if your ex -husband is now living with the woman he left you for, you’re still married, which means that he’s still the one person who by law you are totally allowed to get down with.

And several members of the group admitted they’d done just that.


“He may be a jerk — but the man still knows how to push my buttons."

“Even after he marries her, I’ll probably still party with him from time to time. If only because she wouldn't want me to! Don’t get mad, get even.”

“Things between us are actually a lot better now that he’s married to her. Go figure.”

Not all of the women in my group have bedded their exes. But we all agreed that the Other Woman’s belief that our exes couldn't possibly cheat on her was hilarious.

“He left his marriage for her,” scoffed one member of the group, “and now she’s convinced that he’s not a cheater? Where is her brain?”

None of us felt that it was our responsibility to make sure our exes remained faithful to the babe who used to be his side chick. And if Mr. Infidelity still knows how to light your fire?

Why not go for it?

In a perfect world, of course, you’d throw the jerk out, move on and never look back. But, just in case you hadn’t noticed, this isn’t a perfect world. You continue to move in the same circles. Or live in the same small town. Your paths are going to cross and re-cross. Especially if you have kids.

Plus? Revenge is sweet. The pleasure that comes from putting one over on the woman you blame for wrecking your relationship is undeniable. That, plus some good old-fashioned satisfaction? What’s not to love?

I wouldn't do it. But plenty of women would.

All I’m saying is that if you were an affair partner, and now you think you’re in a monogamous relationship with the man who left his marriage for you?

Think twice.

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Roz Warren, the author of JUST ANOTHER DAY AT YOUR LOCAL PUBLIC LIBRARY, has appeared on both the Today Show and Morning Edition, writes for everyone from the Funny Times to the New York Times, and has been included in 13 Chicken Soup for the Soul collections. Drop her a line at

Bala Cynwyd, PA

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