Why Won't Senior Men Date Senior Women?

Roz Warren


I was recently looking at online dating profiles when I found a man who seemed perfect for me. Smart! Funny! Solvent! Like me, he loves books and museums and swimming and long walks. And like me, he doesn’t drink or smoke.

A perfect match!

There was just one problem. According to his profile, Mr. Right would only date women between the ages of 45 and 64. At 65, I was too old for him.

The funny thing ? He’s 65 too.

He and I are exactly the same age and yet I’m too old for him? What’s up with that?

Whatever it is, it’s not unusual. Check out their profiles and you’ll find that lots of men will only date younger women. It isn’t unusual for a guy to only consider dating women who are over a decade younger!

I get it. You may be an old coot, but you want to be adored by a young babe.

You're a Donald looking for a Melania.

A Humphrey Bogart looking for a Lauren Bacall.

Good luck with that!

I guess you can’t blame a guy for trying.

And it’s true that an age gap can work out. My dad, at 72, fell in love with a 62-year-old woman and they were happy together until he died 15 years later. When he started having health problems, she had the strength and stamina to care for him in a way that she might not have had she been his age.

Of course, after he died she was alone again at 77.

But the situation definitely worked out for Dad.

And I have to be honest — would I go out with a man who was not only perfect for me but ten years my junior?

You bet I would.

But I actually prefer dating men my own age. Which is why that “We Absolutely Can’t Be The Same Age” deal breaker really sticks in my craw. The 60-year-old man who’ll go out with a woman who is 59. But if she, too, is 60?

Totally out of the question.

Why do men do this? Because they can.

The next time this happens to you, I encourage you to do what I do — call them on it!

What have you got to lose? He already thinks of himself as a vibrant young 65-year-old catch and you as a doddering old 65-year-old crone. Why not give the dude a reality check?

When I come upon a guy like this, I usually send him a little note. Something like:

You’re 65. I’m 65. And yet I’m too old for you? What are you afraid of? That I’ll be old enough to call you on your bullpoop? Well, consider yourself called on your bullpoop. You don’t know what you’re missing. But have a nice day!

Will sending a man like this a snarky little note make him come to his senses? Probably not. I’ve never once gotten a note back saying “You’re absolutely right! Let’s meet for coffee. We can talk about what an idiot I am to not consider dating women my own age.”

And yet, sending that snarky little note always makes me feel good.

Which is probably why I'm still single.

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Roz Warren, the author of JUST ANOTHER DAY AT YOUR LOCAL PUBLIC LIBRARY, has appeared on both the Today Show and Morning Edition, writes for everyone from the Funny Times to the New York Times, and has been included in 13 Chicken Soup for the Soul collections. Drop her a line at roSwarren@gmail.com.

Bala Cynwyd, PA

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