Are you having doubts about whether you are living your life at your best?
You are not alone.
I am having lots of concerns, as we all do in these times.
Spending more time inside the house, we might have the feeling that our life goes beside you, without you living it as you should.
Just try to think that your mind plays you a trick.
You might compare yourself to people who have nothing to do with you and your lifestyle.
Don't worry so much.
Life goes by and goes away.
What's truly important is to be at peace with yourself.
As the famous Romanian philosopher Emil Cioran wisely said: "sometimes you might want to do important things in life; other times, you might want to do nothing at all. Both ways, you will be always right".
I am a Social Person, but I spend most Time Inside the House
That has a lot to do with the Pandemic, of course, but I belong to an age category that can go out more often.
I should take more walks, do more exercise, meet more people.
I stay inside the house instead, writing, watching movies, and doing nonsense.
Most of this time, I worry and frustrate about almost everything.
I Want to Lose Weight, but in the Past Months I’ve Been Eating More
This is a big health issue, as for more than a year, I have terrible pain all over the body. And it’s not COVID.
I’ve been to many doctors and never had a satisfying treatment.
Just yesterday, I went to another medical visit, just to discover that: boom! I actually have irritable bowel syndrome.
It was a big shock, but then it made sense: lately I have been eating and living without any regulations.
I have gained weight, so my body is whispering it’s time for a significant lifestyle change.
What I plan to do soon: a strict diet.
Have a more regular life, including a regulated sleep timetable.
Do more exercise and physical activity.
Try to stress less about everything. Nervous breakdowns to be avoided.
Practice prayer and reading every week, as an instrument of stress relief.
I Try to Adapt and Socialize, Even When It’s Obvious People Reject Me
This has been a big stress source, in the past months. And a lesson I still haven’t figured out.
I do my best to socialize with my Italian neighbors, and for some reason, it’s always failing.
Could it be the fact that I am a foreigner here (not Italian)? Or that I am not someone who “brags” about their achievements?
I have asked myself, many times, what I am doing wrong. They say they are not racists or xenophobes.
Then, where is my fault? It’s ten years since I’m living here, and I still have no true friend. Well, maybe one… but it’s not clear, anyway, if he is true or not.
If I need to go for a medical visit, I can count on no one to come with me, especially if it’s an Italian woman. I have learned to be very lonely, and get along with that.
I love to talk, socialize, share news and ideas, but people seem bothered at some point, and turn their back on me.
I keep wondering what is wrong and even asked them, but they always say it’s in my mind and not to worry about it.
Maybe it’s true, but sometimes the pressure is so high I have a nervous collapse.
Just imagine: you live in a small town for ten years where everybody knows everybody.
You go out on the street and have almost no one to actually talk to. They look at you in a mean way, you can see despise in their eyes.
I laugh at things that don’t make me laugh and pretend to be interested in things that don’t interest me.
I am afraid of being my true self. They never allow it. You don’t know what to expect from them when you share a thought.
Most times, I receive bad comments, “polite” but somehow insulting.
I never know enough, I never am enough.
Not one day goes by, without someone’s comment about the way I dress, my lifestyle, or my ignorance (in every possible field).
This drives two weird situations: sometimes, I feel “forced” to be very kind to them, to supplement their rudeness.
Other times, I feel like I should despise them too.
Both ways, I feel like I am not living my life the way I should.
How could I? How is life possible, when you never stand a chance with anyone around you?
To be “one of them”, I should be as cold and despising as they are. But that’s not the person I want to become.
I think life is not perfect, and at some point, we all need to learn how to face the world.
Sometimes it’s meant for our survival.
Deep forgiveness and harmony should still be our main purpose.
Because we need to take care of our health: mental and physical.
Have a wonderful weekend, everyone, take care and stay safe.