On this day, the 20th of January, plenty will be said about Joe Biden's inauguration. For one faction of US citizens is disjointed. This is nothing new. Each time a new president is inaugurated, individuals from the opposing side express their discontent.
Among others, one or both of the following proclamations occur:
- 1) I am moving to Canada.
- 2) He (Hopefully Someday She) is not my President!
Political Pedigree & Qualifications
I am an American citizen over the age of eighteen. For that reason alone, I am handed a ticket to the show called elections. I am entitled to participate in voting for a US President merely because of my age.
I suspect if there were a job application to vote, I might not qualify. My copious amounts of opinions aside, passing a test to vote would be quite tricky. I assisted a co-worker seeking US Citizenship several years ago. The test is far more complicated than any high school history class. I venture to guess few Americans born in this country could pass it, even on a curve!
I have no qualifications to vote other than living to 18 years of age, approximately 6,750 days. That seems a random number of days to determine a qualified voter.
I prefer the math of Jonathan D. Larson. According to his calculations, a year equals Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Six Hundred Minutes. I know all my Broadway peeps just stopped for a moment and started singing that song in their head, if not out loud. Either way, sit back down; people are beginning to stare. Focus. We are talking about politics. There will be plenty of time for Broadway later. There is always time for Broadway!
According to Mr. Larson's math, a US citizen must be alive for 9,460,800 minutes to qualify to vote. That nearly ten million minutes. Even Malcolm Gladwell would approve, I suspect. It's still a random number, but it seems like plenty of time for any dedicated US citizen to properly educate themselves on the interworking of democracy.
Canadian Geese Border Patrol. Stock Image: Licensed with Permission from Envato Elements
Whenever I hear someone say, "I'm moving to Canada," I like to reply with, "I'm moving to Colorado." They usually look at me perplexed. I'm used to it. I suspect their expression has to do with the fact that I already liven Colorado. But, it's funny to me, and that's what counts.
My knowledge of Canada is limited to entertainment, a smattering of pop-cultural references, and my on the fence opinion regarding Tim Horton's coffee. Do I like it? Do I not? I think it depends on the day and which donut I choose to accompany it.
Every American growing up in the 80s remembers ambitious young republican Alex P Keaton, played by actor Michael J. Fox before becoming a time traveler with Christopher Lloyd. His character was being raised by two liberal parents.
The show helped viewers see both sides of many political issues of the day. Politics aside, it also showed us an alcoholic Tom Hanks chugging vanilla extract! We owe it all to a five-foot actor from Edmonton. Thank You, Canada!
Canadian Bacon and Beaver Tails
Then there are the copious amounts of Saturday Night Live players from North of the Border. From creator Lorne Michael's on down. Some of the greats known to choose Canadian Bacon with their breakfasts are Dan Aykroyd, Triangle playing Martin Short, and the brilliant Phil Hartman.
Even original keyboard player and composer of "It's Raining Men, Paul Shaffer is said to prefer Beaver Tail over America's Apple Pie for dessert! Beaver Tail for non-Canadian readers is a pastry similar to Elephant Ears, or Fried Dough. Often smothered with all forms of confections.
Bang Your Head, Eh!
Why is "Eh" pronounced "Ay?" Beats me. It's just one of the many mysteries brought to us from our neighbors to the North. One of those memories includes driving around with friends for hours. Attempting to mimic all one hundred and sixty or so of the overdubbed operatic voices in Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody.
Occasionally, there were moments of pre-mature head-banging. Often drive on as the band teased between Brian May's raucous guitars and Freddy Mercury's controlled yet gentle four-octave vocal range and piano skills.
Nearing the song's four-minute-mark, Queen brought the heavy and didn't let up when most songs typically were ending. High School students around the world were crammed into barely street-legal cars. Head-Banging in-sync (not to be confused with NSYNC). Their moves would have made any boy band jealous! I know, as I was one of the head-bangers.
The flailing of hair would last for nearly two glorious minutes. Or until an alert police officer paid a visit. Likely after noticing the car weaving from side to side, albeit at a smooth 72 beats per minute.
There are many more great reasons to move to Canada. Not the least of which is the music. Power Trio RUSH hales from up North. As does the lesser-known, less prolific, but also superb power Trio, TRIUMPH. Joni Mitchell, Celine Dion, Shania Twain, Michael Bublé, Sarah McLachlan, and dozens more.
Heck, even Nickelback is from Canada. I believe the unwarranted shouts suggesting Nickelback be returned to Canada are unfair. To to the haters, I offer two words, "Boy Bands!" Menudo aside, these creations are primarily products from England and the US. So residents of both those countries should be careful where they point their fingers.
Canada did try to loose the "boy band like" creation of B4-4 upon the world. But the trio of twin brothers Ryan and Dan Kowarsky and friend Ohad Einbinder lacked the Allied Forces to unleash their "Magic Power" upon the US and World Markets. Except for a brief dalliance in Germany, the band was stopped at the Canadian border quicker than COVID closed the Detroit-Windsor Tunnel.
Not My President
I wrote about the "He Is Not My President" phenomenon in 2017. Some US Citizen's at that time were disparaging President Trump. President Biden will now face the same criticism.
Today, a quick Google search reveals hats and t-shirts proclaiming "Not My President" ready to be ordered. The demographics have shifted along with the name of the President. But the companies selling the products still profit, regardless.
If you live in the United States, Donald Trump was your 45th President. If you have yet to move to Canada, Joe Biden is now your 46th President. A desire for fair and unobstructed elections is something everyone deserves. As citizens, we should urge those in power to openly and transparently evaluate and change the system. One that has likely been broken for dozens of election cycles, benefiting both sides.
As of this moment, borders between the US and Canada remain closed. Disenfranchised Americans considering moving to The 6ix are urged to use this time of waiting wisely. Aggressive bidding on eBay for retro B4-4 concert shirts is at an all-time high.
For those wishing to blend in, after securing your B4-4 merchandise, the following steps are recommended. Grab yourself a double-double at Timmies (Tim Horton's) and Two-Four. Should you be questioned at the border, be prepared to give up one of the cream donuts from your double-double as a peace offering. However, under no circumstances are you to sacrifice a single beer from your Two-four. Your handler on the Canadian side of the border is expecting those two cases of beer, intact!
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