Pre Covid, the average couple spent two and a half hours a day together. That time has compounded with Covid. If both people work 8 hours a day and sleep 8 hours a day, there’s still an additional 8 they see each other at home. With spending so much time with someone, it’s essential he or she inspires you. Without inspiration, the relationship won’t last.
My husband has played a pivotal role in my self-awareness and personal improvement. When you’re around someone that watches inspirational podcasts, is constantly reading books, tries different meditation techniques, incorporates activity into everyday and is always searching for the next beautiful view, it inspires you to do the same. Observing my husband’s habits makes me want to improve myself. It makes me want to learn, grow, and challenge myself.
It wasn’t always like this. We started dating in our 20s. My biggest worry then was what I would wear to the club. His biggest concern was when he would exercise. We had different priorities but got along, nonetheless. If this continued, we wouldn't be together today.
We’ve had ups and downs, like most couples, but we have made our relationship a priority. We prioritize it and each other. We find ways to do things together. We find ways to challenge ourselves together. We find ways to improve ourselves. If one of us tries something new and sees a benefit, he/she will tell the other one. The other one will likely try it as well. This willingness has helped us grow individually and as a couple.
Here are 5 reasons why you need a partner that inspires you.
1. You won’t get bored.
If everyday you’re in awe of what your partner has accomplished, you’re more likely to want to spend time with them. You want to know what they are doing. You want to know what they are reading. You want to understand how their new breathing techniques make them feel.
Years ago, my husband started ice climbing. The pictures he took were absolutely stunning. By that point in our relationship, we had rock climbed together many times. I never considered ice climbing. The pictures, along with his joy after coming home from a long day, made me want to try it.
It was torture. The hike to the ice climb, the long day outside in the cold, and the hike back to the car made the day long and grueling. I wondered how he had enough energy to ice climb as often as he did. That night standing by the fire in our hotel, I felt frozen. Frozen and accomplished. I understood then why he did it. While I don’t go as often as he does, I join him occasionally and enjoy it. I enjoy spending the time with him, I enjoy accomplishing something together, and I enjoy reflecting on the memory.
2. You become more self-aware.
As you observe your partner do things that inspire you, you think about things you can do to improve yourself. Maybe you read the book she’s reading. Maybe you go to a martial arts class with him. By trying new things, you learn what you enjoy doing and what you don’t. You learn more about yourself. As you become more self-aware, your relationship improves. You agree to the things you like to do and say no to the things you don’t.
3. You want to be a better person.
It’s extremely difficult to be with someone who is doing something to improve themselves, and not want to do the same. Years ago, I was sitting on the couch hungover from a night out with friends. Being that I had young children at the time, I didn’t have many chances to go out. I made the “most” of my night and got carried away. The next day when I was vegging on the couch with my glasses on at 3pm, my husband just came in from a run. I will never forget the look on his face. He was smiling despite it being over 90 degrees out. He was pouring sweat. Meanwhile, I was sitting on the couch feeling like complete crap. I was in pajamas, eating something I could barely stomach and watching mindless tv. He was out exercising. It was a big turning point for me. I wanted to be better. I didn’t want to be the girl who got carried away anymore. I wanted to take control of my life and my personal improvement.
I wish I could say that was the last time I was hungover! It wasn’t. It is, however, extremely rare now. I don’t want to waste a day on the couch when there are other more productive ways to spend the day.
If you’re with someone who is getting after it, you’re going to want to do the same. Ever notice the fit couples in the gym? One’s motivation often rubs off on the other.
4. You want to experience more.
An inspiring person usually has a positive outlook on life. They value experiences. They value learning. They value living. Being with a person like this will make you want to experience more. They’ll make you more positive.
Just as you want friends that are positive influences, you should want the same in your partner. In fact, you should want it more. If day after day you see the same person sitting around doing nothing, you’ll do one of two things. You’ll either join him and do nothing yourself, or you’ll be resentful. Either way, you’re doing a disservice to yourself.
You owe it to yourself to be with someone who makes you better. She doesn’t make you better by the forcing things on you. She makes you better by doing them herself and being an example.
5. You find your version of success.
“Successful people build each other up. They motivate, inspire, and push each other. Unsuccessful people just hate, blame and complain”. – Unknown
Being around someone who pushes you to do better by motivating you with their own habits is essential for your success. We all know the person in the toxic relationship. We hear them complain. We see their struggles. We want very much for them to find happiness.
The person that pushes you to do more and be better is the person you should be with. He is the person that will support you when you fall. He is the person that will get you back on track when you stumble. This is the person we all need.
If she isn’t inspiring, let her go. If he doesn’t make you better, let him go. You deserve more.