He got more than he bargained for
A 38 year old man recently took to Reddit where he shared his frustrations over his 37 year old wife's unbelievably high standards. The couple has three children aged 12, 10, and 8.
He related how his wife is overwhelmed and easily irritated by the demands of their kids, one of whom has ADHD. She insists on strict schedules and limits. He thinks it's unnecessary and causes unnecessary stress. He feels she should take a step back and do less to alleviate her own stress.
“She insists one of us has to be up at 6:45 every morning to make sure the kids are ready and make the bus which comes at 7:45,” he wrote, all the while indicating he does not want to be up that early.
He then went on to say, “I'm an engaged and active parent, I'm not trying to get out of it, but I don't think I should have to help my wife dig herself out of her own self created holes.”
If he was hoping for sympathetic responses, as he justified his own position, his mission failed. The backlash was swift and brutal. Readers quickly pointed out flaws in his theory of how things should work in his household.
Outrageously_Penguin remarked, “Your wife’s standards are just…being a decent parent, and you are not doing your ‘fair share’ if you aren’t helping with these things you consider ‘unnecessary’. An 8 year old and a ten year old with ADHD are not ready to totally get themselves ready in the morning, and you’d know that if you didn’t sleep through the morning routine every day.
Another added, “She sounds like a great parent, and you come off sounding lazy and disinterested in parenting your own kids.”
The post has racked up thousands of comments, with many Redditors sharing the trauma they are still dealing with as adults because of parents who behaved just like him.
According to an article by The Atlantic , a 2007 Pew Research Center poll, sharing household chores was in the top three highest-ranking issues associated with a successful marriage—third only to faithfulness and good sex.
Sometimes people think they contribute more than their partner, as in the poster’s case who perceives himself as an engaged parent.
In an unbalanced relationship, when one partner does not contribute enough, it can be emotionally burdensome and damaging. This imbalance can lead to resentment, arguments, infidelity, and even mental health issues. It is important to address this imbalance in order to maintain a healthy partnership.
Erica Cramer, LCSW, MBA, a licensed clinical social worker, says, "Partners aren’t perfect , but they should feel stable, loyal, and willing to work. If those qualities seem hard to come by, there is an imbalance that needs to be addressed."
Unfortunately for the OP his concerns didn't quite strike a chord with readers and ended up backfiring on him.