Family vacations are special. You work hard and save towards them so you can enjoy a well-deserved break when the time comes.
But, what happens when you plan to share vacation expenses with your partner, then she uses her contribution for something else and expects you to makeup for the shortfall?
What do you do when the “something else” is her paying for her ex-husband’s living expenses?
It happened to one man. He found out his wife could no longer contribute her share of their vacation expenses because she had no money. She had given it all to her ex-husband. Shocked and upset, he refused to cover the shortfall and canceled the vacation instead.
The man’s wife has a son who lives with her ex-husband. When he first met her he agreed to help support the son until he was 18 when he would be officially an adult and go to college or find a job.
The son is now 23, has no college education or skills and is apparently unable to hold down a job. He relies on his mother for additional support. According to the original poster, this happens frequently. Sometimes her ex-husband also asks for help and she agrees. She justifies her actions by saying that their son still lives with him.
On this occasion the car used by the son was impounded. He couldn’t afford the fees to get it out, neither could his dad. He was unwilling to use the bus to get to work, and they also needed help with rent. Mum stepped in, forking out around $5K, and now no longer has enough money for the vacation. She expects her husband to make up the difference. He refused so she is now calling him out for being heartless.
Readers came out in full support of OP’s decision to cancel the vacation. “She should have paid out of her own funds,” one wrote.
Another chipped in, “She’s calling him heartless, but if he paid for their vacation, he’d basically be financing her ex and son. And since this isn’t the first time, and not likely to be the last… it would just go on and on.”
Agreeing with the others Talkstorivers added, “Calling OP a heartless *** is a projection of her fears. She hasn’t learned that taking care of yourself emotionally and financially aren’t selfish behaviors so she can’t see that OP is being a responsible adult.’
According to Nowtolove, “For many women, supporting the father of your children through the trauma that comes with divorce is a difficult but necessary experience. With 70 per cent of women initiating divorce, according to a 2015 study of more than 2000 heterosexual married couples, there is a certain level of guilt that comes with the aftermath of divorce.”
The same article goes on to say, “For men, much of their emotional and physical well-being was found in their marriage and without their wives around, they struggle.”
What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation?
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