This post contains a link to the author's book
The only reason we swing between the extremes of excesses, and powerlessness — is because we are not taught that it is normal to have desires, to want things, and more importantly; to feel like we deserve more.
Why are things this way? Mainly due to our conditioning, to how society and religion program us overtime, and the kind of behaviors that are expected from us.
Inherently, most people believe that it is wrong to desire, to want more.
It’s normal, right? Those who have eyes bigger than their stomachs often attract catastrophes. Our history is full of such examples. Yet, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t want more for ourselves. As long as we remain grounded, practical, and realistic — our needs deserve to be met.
The same can be said about wanting more from life than what we currently have.
Because we are habituated to a life with a well-defined “perimeter,” most people settle for it. They may want more, but what they have feels secure and comfortable. So they give their dreams some tries, but eventually, they are pulled back to their old ways of doing things. And it perpetuates the cycles.
We are here to explore possibilities, and to discover ourselves through this act of exploration. If you don’t give yourself a chance, who will?
Instead of repressing your needs therefore, learn to listen to them. Usually, these spontaneous “impulses” (not all!) give us a clue about our path, and what we want to do with our lives.
As an example. If you find yourself in a situation where you feel like you lack something (love, money, recognition, etc.); yet, you still feel like you want to build a life in which you have this thing — regardless of how impossible it seems to be for those around you, don’t discard it.
Unless you choose to be — you are not defined by your circumstances.
Now regarding loving yourself, it’s a tricky subject. Most people sing about loving themselves nowadays but it’s quite a task to actually do so.
We have accumulated many limiting beliefs throughout our lives, from our experiences, and what we’ve been told to be true. Most of the time, we are unaware of those beliefs and how they govern every aspect of our lives.
Simply deciding to “love” ourselves without processing our unresolved issues is like trying to push away a tsunami with some water from our bottle.
Of course, there are practices we can use daily to improve our relationship with ourselves, which can make our journey less tedious. Here are a few them:
- Use affirmations
- Give yourself daily high fives for your “wins”
- Count your blessings/avoid comparing yourself to others
- Treat yourself from time to time (buy something you always wanted to but didn’t because you thought the money would be better used somewhere else)
- Coach yourself through your life, be nice to yourself
- Talk to yourself in the mirror if that’s something you like to do
These practices however are temporary in their effects. They simply help make things easier. Obviously, use your common sense to avoid excesses.
And lastly, this is something you want to practice in every aspect of your life to both, develop your sense of self and improve your relationship with yourself:
Communicate your needs.
We often think that others think and believe in the same ways we do. This is a mistake. If you’re nice, and thoughtful — it doesn’t mean others are the same way. There is no need for them to be actually. Everyone is unique.
Instead of feeling frustrated because you listen and act on everyone’s needs, but no one seems to reciprocate that back to you — open your mouth, and communicate your needs.
Say it out loud. What do you want? We are not oracles or psychics. We would love to help — but how would you like us to?
The more you become comfortable expressing yourself and what you want — the more your relationships will improve, both with others and yourself.
You may ask yourself now, but what if people reject my demands? Either your demand is inappropriate, in this case, it’s normal because you’ve never asked what you wanted… And if it’s not, who cares? As long as you express yourself; that’s all that matters. Whether others react to it or not is irrelevant. You do it for you.
Live with passion.
As a final note.
Spirituality doesn’t need to be complicated. Dealing with emotional and mental wounds requires already enough attention and energy. If you need practical ways to heal, but also practical teachings to make sense of all the confusing spiritual information the world throws at you; I wrote a book called Spiritual Transition to help you progress on your path. You can give the book a look here.