5 Reasons Why Narcissists Run From Their Partners


Photo by Nik Shuliahin on Unsplash

The reason why Narcissists do this is to get as far away from their partner’s “toxicity.”

Albeit, misperceived toxicity…


The Narcissist’s immaturity creates dishonesty with you as well as themselves. Remember that Narcissism is a developmental/personality disorder, prompted by abuse. Their behaviors are dictated by the false cognitions of their inner, wounded child. The Narcissist learned that they are perpetually unsafe, and at the first sign of unhappiness in a relationship, they don’t have the wisdom to reasonably examine the motivations of themselves and others.

Their fantasy is ruined

Instead of realizing that every relationship has ebbs and flows, good times and bad, the Narcissist believes that seasons of darkness will go on indefinitely. As their more sophisticated partners, we know that life’s winters, will become spring again, but Narcissist are’t confident in this. When one is harmed as a child, they await the next betrayal with unparalleled vigilance. Pushing through the painful times that accompany relationships, brings up feelings that remind the Narcissist of past anguish.

So, they bail.

Instead of being patient, allowing hard times to run their course, the narcissist expedites the end of things.

Cannot accept their shortcomings

Narcissists bypass the business of adulthood…which is mindful growth. It is too painful for them to conclude that they are the authors of their own lives, and often chapters of discontent are of their own making. Therefore, they never get the chance to course correct, becoming men or women of integrity, and thus becoming viable partners.

Inability to take accountability

Narcissists rarely develop skills like introspection and forgiveness because they run at the first sign of discomfort, telling themselves that they are the victims of their partner’s deficiencies. They do whatever is necessary to dodge accountability for the havoc that they bring to every aspect of their relationships. They weaponize their early victimhood, projecting their unreconciled trauma responses of insincerity, manipulativeness, and/or ruthlessness onto their well-intentioned partner.

They’re incredibly cynical

Acts of kindness are misinterpreted as inauthentic. Demonstrations of affection are mistaken as conditional. In the eyes of Narcissists, gifts are seen cynically, as if there’s always a catch.

The Narcissist believes that any wish granted by you, is a monkey’s paw.

Monkey Paw — to make a careless wish or ask for something without thinking about the consequences.

That is how deeply their disbelief in love runs. This is how mistrustful they are of other’s intentions. The smallest disagreements catalyze the beginning of the end. To them, easily traversable differences, hint at dismal outcomes for the relationship. So, they leave to go wherever, with whomever, by whatever means.

If you’ve ever been with a Narcissist, it will come out of left field and hit you right in the face like a hard rock. You will come out of it confused, bewildered and disoriented not knowing how the person who claimed to love every part about you, now thinks you are absolutely repulsing to them. It’s hard to understand how one moment you are spending all this time together, staying in touch, to now getting blocked, shunned, cut off and demeaned. You go from being the center of their attention, to them now wanting nothing to do with you.

Like silly children, they leave you, before you can.

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A writer who’s in a constant state of self-reflection sharing my perspective with the world.

Pittsburgh, PA

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