Miami Beach, FL

I am primarily a humorist but also write about dating, relationships, sex, addiction, and any random observations I feel inspired by.

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The Real Animals Of Social Media

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Before the advent of social media there was so much information I knew nothing about. I didn’t know how life changing thirty days on a regimen of Rodan and Fields skincare products could be, how to make a professional perfect salad, or how good a handstand looked in front of every national landmark - especially when captioned with the obligatory “spiritual” gibberish. I never realized how grateful and blessed phony girls with fake boobs in exotic locales on some rich guys dime were. I didn’t know jet setting around the world when you owed millions of dollars to people you had screwed over was something to brag about. What happened to humility, class and subtlety? Flying private? Not so private anymore. Someone loves you or you’re madly in love? Prove it over and over by posting pictures of flowers you were gifted, you and your significant other perfectly posed and passionately kissing (preferably near the Eiffel Tower, or in the Blue Grotto in Capri,) and don't forget to overload the captions with annoying hashtags; #love #perfectcouple, #forever. And your vacation destinations better be stellar, because if you’re not heliskiing in the Swiss Alps, you better fly to the moon before your pictures get trumped by someone with more money and a better travel agent. And then what? Are you still grateful and blessed? If not, do another handstand. Then again, there’s always Photoshop, where you can make everything in your world look insanely perfect, or just casually erase those smile lines, stretch marks, or change your college diploma to say Harvard instead of Hartford.

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