History can be pretty gross and brutal at times, and even though it's important to learn from the mistakes of our past, there are some historical events kids just aren't ready to find out about. For example, did you know Anne Frank's diary was heavily edited, or what about the creepy wedding night shenanigans of William of Orange? Oh, ho, and trust me, you do not want to know what the perfect Christopher Columbus was really like, which is a shame as he's first on our list of seven opening pieces of history you weren't taught in school.
7. Columbus was a pedo pimp. Christopher Columbus obviously wasn't the first to make it to the American continent actually he never set foot on US soil as it's thought he only visited the Bahamas Haiti and Dominican Republic but what he may have been is the very first man to begin an underage sex slavery in the Americas which is probably not how he'd like to be remembered but it tough to Chris you dirty sob upon his arrival Christopher Columbus pressed many native people of the Americas into working down into the mines as he considered them his property so much so that he even began selling prepubescent girls some as young as nine as sex slaves to his own men many of whom were known rapists and murderers he also used native people as food to feed his dogs mutilated around 10,000 of them by cutting off their hands and in all was responsible for around 200,000 deaths in Haiti alone so now you know this may be pass without celebration next year.
6. the National Socialist Soda for various reasons YouTube doesn't like it when we mention a certain group of German people and their leader who terrorised the world between 1939 and 1945, so in lieu of their actual titles, we shall refer to the man who led Germany through this period as "hey Dolph swift ler and his fancy party now in the year 1940, fancy Germany was placed under an embargo by the Coca-Cola company due to the naughty naughty things T Dolf was getting up to, but Germany needed some soda to wash down all that dry, salty anti-semitism which was so popular at the time, Max" Keith decided to create a new product for the German market. He mixed apple pomace with a bunch of other gross German stuff to create an orange-flavoured soda, which is known today as Fanta. It's weird how they don't make a big deal about that connection to fancy Germany in the adverts.
5 Victorian death portraits If your beloved grandpa passed away, how would you grieve him? Would you write a poem? Take a walk in his favourite park? Reminisce about old movies? Or maybe you just prop him up in his clothes and take a picture of his corpse? Why stop at grandpa? Because the Victorians sure didn't as they had a habit of photographing everyone from mom and pop through to dead infant babies with the bizarre ritual of post-mortem photography starting in the 19th century and continuing well into the 20th? This practise was supposed to help people get through the grieving process? This bizarre routine replaced the original method of remembering the dead, which involved painting a death portrait. Imagine having to sit still for several hours while your mother's stinky corpse rots beside you; yeah, that's how I'd want to be remembered.
4.history's creepiest uncle do you have a creepy uncle in your family you know that one that Lear's at you over the Christmas dinner table offers you 20 bucks to go sing in the shower but who have we pegged as history's creepiest uncle ever enter king charles ii of england who watched his nephew william of orange get it on with his new bride on their wedding night Charles apparently shouted encouragement and cheered as william and his new wife married the second consummated their marriage but actually maybe we've been too harsh on Charles here because this was a pretty normal practise back in ye olden times as when a newlywed couple went to bump uglies for the first time they'd often be watched by their wedding guests who would drink danced shout and play music even bringing water and food for the couple in case they needed a bank break and in royal circles the more powerful or important you were the higher the number of people who wanted to watch your wedding night William of Orange was actually the third of his name and his father William the second duh had an even weirder experience he was 15 years old at the time and if you think that's weird, his wife was the nine-year-old Mary Stewart leash thankfully tradition dictated that the consummation of a marriage could be considered complete if the two kids' naked legs touched just once so William didn't have to pull a full on Columbus in front of everyone he merely kissed his young bride on the cheek waited for her dwarf to cut open her nightdress because of course there was a [ ] involved too and they simply go to sleep consummating the marriage many years later many years later I hope at least
3. Lincoln's killer's killer Boston Corbett is known as the man who shot the man who shot Abraham Lincoln, as on April 24th, 1865, nine days after Lincoln was killed by John Wilkes Booth, Boston's regiment was sent to apprehend the assassin, eventually cornering booth and his accomplice David Herold in that tobacco barn in Virginia. Now Corbett and his men were ordered to capture Booth alive, but he claims he saw Booth aiming a gun at him through a crack in the wall, so he shot Lincoln's murderer with his Colt revolver, causing his death two hours later. Some criticised Boston's actions, while others called him a hero, saying that anyone who took on a Boston didn't have balls because he cut them off when he was 26 with a pair of scissors. Boston Corbett had developed severe mental issues in his youth due to his frequent handling of poisonous mercury for his job, and one night after seeing two prostitutes in the street, he became so offended at the prospect of arousal that he castrated himself in an astonishingly calm manner in order to avoid temptation and feel more like Jesus. I mean, a cold shower would have been easier. I just say it.
2. Hookers Brigade Did you ever wonder why we call women who sell their bodies for sex "hookers"? Some people believe it comes from a Civil War general called Joseph Hooker and while there are a few examples of the word being used to describe ladies of the evening before his lifetime, his story is nonetheless pretty darn interesting. General Hooker was generous to his men. He realised that those who fight hard need to play hard too, so he hired huge legions of women to follow his troops around and keep the urges of his soldiers satisfied. But such generosity came at a price. In 1861, a report by the Union Army Medical Department discovered that a quarter of the army had some form of sexually transmitted disease. In 1861, a
1. Frank's diary was edited The Diary of Anne Frank offers a harrowing personal account of what life was like for Jewish people under the fancy regime yeah, blame YouTube first for not being able to say that word anyway. There are a few interesting stories regarding Anne Frank's diary that you may not know, one of which covers the fact that when it was published as a book, it was missing a whole bunch of personal information. This is because the diary had been edited by the sole surviving member of the Frank family, Otto Frank. Anne's father Otto was given his daughter's diary after he escaped when his camp was liberated, and upon reading it, he decided the world needed to hear his daughter's story. He made a few minor alterations: he cut out the parts where she talked about her period or discovering herself sexually; he removed most references to the boys she liked; and what he found was that his daughter had gone into great detail about how obsessed her father was with fart jokes; he edited those too. Eventually the unedited version of Anne's diary was released to the public, and the world got to see more of the real and Frank It wasn't pornographic, it wasn't gross, it was the tale of a normal girl and her relationship with her normal family.
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