What to Do When Mother’s Day Isn’t All Happiness, Hallmark, & Flowers

One Writer

Mother’s Day can be a tough time for many reasons

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Image by Susanne Jutzeler, suju-foto from Pixabay

It is soon to be Mother’s Day, and once again, like the scatterbrained and distractable daughter that I am — I still don’t have a Mother’s Day gift for my Mom. But — at least I still have my Mom. On Mother's Day I will have my Alexa call her Alexa and we’ll video chat about the weather, the flowers, the raccoon that keeps visiting Mom’s back porch. I am lucky. I still have my Mom.

For the two grown men (my sons) — I am still here. Alive. Breathing on this earth and available at a moment’s notice to listen to them, comfort them, or celebrate all the little things of their life with them. I am there — to answer a simple question or just to chit chat with them. What some people wouldn’t give to be able to call their mom and just ask a simple question.

For some — Mother’s Day is incredibly painful

While my family celebrates Mother’s Day, I am reminded that my mother does not have hers. My mother, living in the same house where her own precious mother passed away. How will she feel as she misses her own mother? (Sometimes, I think I can still hear my Mamaw’s laugh in that house — infectious and dear — I know it must be even harder for my mother.) I will think of my Mamaw on Mother's Day and of my mother and her brothers — missing their mother dearly.

There are many right now who have lost their mothers. Or those who are trapped on the other side of the glass from their mothers, worrying over their mother’s health from the appropriate social distance as mandated in this global crisis. There are those who cannot even hold a funeral for their mothers, lost to Covid-19.

Some people never even knew their mothers or were raised by a mother they feel they cannot fully know. There are also those who carry such trauma in their hearts over irreparable relationships with their mothers, that Mother’s Day is simply a nail in the coffin of that relationship for them. They are in pain.

“There are women who gave birth to children & today are fighting or competing with those children.
There are women who trade their children for plate of meal ,a roof over their heads or bottle of alcohol.
There are women who gave birth to children & run away from them with new boyfriend,Some
want to enjoy life, but their children get in the way.
There are women who are suppose to be step moms, but instead they are devil in the children’s life .
They come between the children and father and caused more separation, hate and confusion .
There are women who gave birth to children , yet they dont know where are their children today .
To all women who are raising children with love, even if its not their own.
Every female can be a women , but it takes a lot to be a mother.
Happy Mothers Day.” 
 ― De philosopher DJ Kyos

Some are carrying such hurt in their hearts over their own shortcomings as a mother, that they cannot, in good conscience, celebrate a day they feel isn’t for them. They feel they are not worthy of the day.

My heart aches for those who will bear Mother’s Day with a burdensome emotional injury or with a yearning to just hear their mother’s voice one more time. For those who look to the sky and whisper their “Happy Mother’s Day, Mom” with a tear in their eye and a hole in their heart.

When You Speak of Her
“When you speak of her,
 speak not with tears,
 for thoughts of her should not be sad.
 Let memories of the times you shared
 give you comfort,
 for her life was rich
 because of you.”
Author Unknown

Many of us will not be able to see our moms this Mother's Day— or our kids and grandkids. It will be a different kind of celebration — one with cell phones and screens and miles between us, but we’ll make the best of it. We’ll do our best to let our love transcend those miles.

I hope that if your mother is still alive and well you will honor her this Mother's day. Call her. Tell her you love her.

If you lost your mother years ago, recently, or just yesterday — celebrate her memory in some way. Do something that reminds you of her. Talk to her. Sing to her. Cry to honor how much you miss her. I hope you know that you are not alone in your suffering.

Thank you for reading — and happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there.

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