The idea that love is beautiful, simple, and worth fighting for is one we all live by. We think about the world of love and hope it’ll be a dream time. However, we make a lot of mistakes in relationships that result in pain and suffering.
“It’s likely all of us have repeated some of our mistakes at one time or another.”
— Amy Morin in Forbes
I often hear stories from my older friends. They gave me a lot of advice because they don’t want me to make their mistakes. Yes, we all make mistakes, but it’s better to make them less and use other people’s experiences.
When you look at other people’s relationships, you can think logically and direct. When it comes to your relationships, your psychology is different. If you have a problem, you try to hide or mask it in front of other people.
The reality is if you have problems in your relationships, they won’t go away. You can only hide them from other people’s eyes.
To improve your relationships, it’s important to understand the source of your problems. If you know the reason behind it, you know the solution.
The most difficult lesson to learn is when it’s too late. It’s time to start analyzing your mistakes today to wake up happy tomorrow.
Expecting One Person to Meet All Your Needs
Life is short, and you want to take as much as you can from it. This is a simple human wish in our lives. You want to have a home, family, and a lovely piece.
There are primary and secondary needs in your life. While primary needs such as home are mandatory, others are not.
“Tiny houses, minimalism, less-is-more, back-to-basics — these are all strategies to make sure that we are getting our most basic needs met on a daily basis without getting distracted by the shiny objects in life.”
— Quora in Forbes
I often hear that people are looking for luxury things much more than real values. Are you looking for real relationships or things you can get alone? If you think about love as about a business deal, it’s a wrong decision.
What is way more frustrating is when you expect your partner to meet all your needs. Some people go really crazy and create a list of how their partners should look and behave.
Do you have a friend who says that the partner must be tall, rich, handsome or beautiful, etc.? They even continue this list and say a partner needs to be kind, quiet, friendly…
I suggest such people don’t understand one simple thing. You can’t wait for a perfect partner. We all have pros and cons. Such people are looking for someone who doesn’t exist.
Rather than create a list of what your partner should be, find a nice human and build your relationships. Everything in your life comes with experience and patience.
Build Your Relationships Over and Over Again
Once you found your partner, you might think your job is done. It’s time to relax and enjoy your life. But it’s only beginning.
When your relationships start, it’s time to learn each other. Learn about your partner’s favorite book, prepare a meal together. You can start doing exercises together or get one hobby for you both.
“Everything seemed new and exciting, and you likely spent hours just chatting together or coming up with new, exciting things to try.”
— Lawrence Robinson, Melinda Smith, M.A., and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D. in HelpGuide
Communicate and support each other. I often hear couples break down because they don’t understand each other anymore. To avoid such pity end, you need to ask and listen.
Ask if your partner has any problems. If you see your partner tired, relax him or her. Maybe even it’s time for a small surprise.
Many people date and get small presents, but these surprises disappear soon when they marry or start to live together. But nothing actually changed. You are still a couple and can allow yourself small gifts.
It shouldn’t be expensive jewelry or a watch. Forget about the price of your present. Can someone buy your love? No. What people are looking for in relationships is attention.
Bring a small gift and see your partner’s smile. Listen and ask. Do everything you can to your connection between each other. The more you work on your relationships, the stronger they become.
Mistakes Are Not the End of the World
When you are young and looking for your second half, you probably want to make a perfect choice. You want your partner to be ideal in everything, so you’re sure it’s the correct choice.
Ask yourself one question. Are you perfect? Do you do everything correctly in your life? I can’t say yes to this question. I believe you also think so.
“In fact, strong perfectionist traits usually prevent healthy relationship formation.”
— Shauna H Springer Ph.D. in Psychology Today
Think about the next thing. If you are not perfect, why are you looking for someone perfect? We are human beings and make mistakes. Don’t judge your partner because of the mistake. You make them also.
Many people are selfish and think their mistakes are nothing in comparison to their partners. Probably it sounds egoistic.
Ask yourself a question. Can you grow as a person without making mistakes? Think about how you get experience if you do everything correctly. Life is a learning curve, and mistakes are part of them.
I make mistakes all the time, and my husband also makes mistakes. But rather than scream at each other, we analyze them and learn lessons.
Mistakes are your free coaches. When you hire your personal coach and pay money, you get experience and knowledge. Think about mistakes in your relationships as micro-tasks you need to go through.
Don’t Use the Power of Love in a Wrong Way
There is another thing you need to avoid. Don’t use people in relationships for your personal needs only.
Some people might use their partner’s love to manipulate personal needs. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner if you do so. But you might place your personal needs over your partner.
“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live. It is asking others to live as one wishes to live.”
— Oscar Wilde in Forbes
Love is a feeling when you are ready to give everything you have for your partner and vice versa.
In real relationships, your partner is always ready to do anything you need. This is the power of love. But when you start to ask too much and don’t do anything in return, your partner will be upset very soon.
They start to think that you don’t care about their feelings. Your partner might think that you don’t love them.
The human brain generates millions of ideas every day. Just imagine what bad ideas start to come to your partner’s mind and how they can end up.
If you start to go selfish, it’s time to re-think your values. The question of who is a master in your relationships shouldn’t exist. You both are equal partners. This is why no one really needs to put their own needs over others in relationships.
Your Partner As Unique as You
You’re looking at all these inspiring photos on Instagram about perfect couples every day. They are so beautiful, and these couples are so amazing.
The first thing that pops into your mind: “I want my partner to be like this woman or man in a photo.”
“Individuality is either the mark of genius or the reverse. Mediocrity finds safety in standardization.”
— Frederick E. Crane in Forbes
The most popular photos on Instagram are sexy girls and guys in gyms. Unfortunately, many girls ask guys to start doing gym after seeing this. In return, guys ask girls to change their looks.
While it sounds like a good idea to improve your look and health, many people are doing this wrong.
Instead of working on self-improvement together, usually, this idea goes from one partner only.
Imagine your partner coming home after work, tired as hell, and hear this “surprise.” What do you think their reaction would be? I don’t think your partner will be pleased about it.
Live-in relationships mean accepting your partner as they are. Don’t try to modify or change your lovely part. If you want to improve your partner’s health, it’s a good idea to start doing it together. But don’t take fake Instagram photos as real values for your relationships.
Love and relationships are a complex process that needs ongoing work. If you make mistakes on your path, analyze them together and learn lessons.
While it’s impossible to know everything in advance, I share five lessons to help you avoid some mistakes. By considering them, you can improve your relationships and understand each other better.
If you make mistakes, it’s time to talk and listen to your partner. Balance and patience are the keys to the knowledge you get from your mistakes. Love lessons are waiting for you, so take them with dignity.