‘There’s something special about this. Let’s not hold back.’
This is what he said to me as we were chatting to get to know each other using Whatsapp. A couple of months later, I flew from Manila to Seattle to meet him. We sealed it and we became a couple.
It was easy.
Talking for at least one hour each day, opening up my entire life to him bit by bit, and relieving me of my worry that he is just another guy was easy.
For the simple reason that love doesn’t have to hurt. It doesn’t have to come with pain and drama. It doesn’t have to feel good all the time either. Bound in reality and not fantasy, being built brick by brick through kind words and actions.
Love is supposed to be real. And when it starts to get real, you want to keep it close to you and hope that it stays there forever.
If you see a majority of these 6 signs that your guy is a keeper, you’ve found gold.
He is responsive and makes himself available for you.
In relationship terms, your partner adapts to your needs. It’s not just about replying to text messages but responding to what you need as a human being and as his potential partner.
When you need him, he will set aside time for you even if it’s only for a 3-minute call. He’ll make time to listen because he knows that you need company.
A keeper will deliberately make time for you.
He makes plans for the future and you’re part of those plans.
It’s normal for a levelheaded, reasonable person to make plans. It could be planning to develop oneself, visiting a new country, or getting into a new sport.
He sees you as his companion when he finally moves into a new apartment. He imagines you doing chores together, getting groceries on Sundays, and spending time with his nephews over the holidays.
These may not be true for now but having a vision, or a plan, is usually the beginning of making them happen.
A keeper includes you and your presence in his life a part of his future.
You mirror each other.
When you are on a date, you may notice that you have the same posture, and use the same hand gestures and body language because you are trying to establish rapport.
When you say ‘I had a great time with you. Can we do that again?’, the keeper will most probably agree and it feels good! And because you agreed that you had a great time together, he’d want to spend time with you again.
Mirroring is also known as limbic synchrony. It means that, though you are not aware of it, you are doing or saying the same things. It helps you get closer to one another emotionally.
A keeper wants you emotionally close and he is not shy to admit it.
He thinks of ways to make you happy.
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman is probably one of the most important books ever written on relationships. The book says that every individual has a love language — quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts, touch — and we use that language to express or communicate our love for the other.
What is your love language? And what is his?
As you continue to see each other, it would be good for the two of you to find out what your love languages are so you can hit the nail when one of you is trying to show affection.
A keeper takes note of what your love language is and finds out the things that make you happy and feel loved. He may not even be aware of the term ‘love language’ nor read the book, but he will be interested to know what makes you happy.
He volunteers information about his life without you having to ask.
Unresponsiveness is a red flag in a relationship. As I said earlier, this does not only apply to responding to text messages but how he responds to what you need.
When your guy tells you details — the good, the bad, and the ugly — about himself for the simple reason that he wants you in on what’s going on in his life, he’s a keeper.
He is not afraid to say things like ‘I want to be with you’ and ‘Let’s be together.’
People are naturally scared of entering commitments, contracts, and long-term relationships. It’s because of the responsibility and time required to sustain them. Deep down, we know that there will be circumstances where we cannot meet these requirements, or we don’t want to anymore.
For a man to say that he is willing to commit even though he is unsure of what lies ahead, means a great deal. This means he doesn’t let fear paralyze him and despite all of his (and your) issues, he sees you as a partner whom he wants to work with.
Entering a new relationship could mean that you have gotten tired of the dating scene and are finally ready to settle down. Maybe you’ve been hurt several times in the past and you’ve become picky. Maybe you’ve sworn that the next person you’ll date will be the person you will marry. You could be one of those who are just starting their journey in finding the love that’s right and true.
The beginning is always a combination of excitement, doubts, and romance. It gives us a chance to reflect on what we’ve learned in our past relationships and see what we can bring over to the one that we’re starting.
If your guy makes things easy, if he mends your heart back to make it whole again, if he makes you believe that love is good, give it a try. He is worth a shot.