Why Do You Want to Be in a Relationship?

Niki Marinis

Have you ever asked yourself?


Photo Art by Katie Dutch

My brother asked me what I wanted to get out of a relationship. My first serious relationship in over a decade ended three months prior and I'm sifting through the rubble and ego bruising.

After his 20-year marriage ended two years ago, he said he just wants someone he can have fun and enjoy life with. I paused and was brass tacks honest with myself.

I want to feel validated that there’s nothing wrong with me. I want to feel like I’m a good person and good enough to be in a relationship with. I want someone else to tell me I’m OK.

Yes, I want to share my life with someone, to learn and grow, to have a confidant and lover, to laugh and cry and experience and explore and build a magical existence with. But deep down, I want a relationship to fix my problems and cure all that ails me.

The very reasons I preach vehemently against getting into a relationship for.

Because a relationship will NOT fix you or your issues. A relationship is an addition to your life, not an integral building block. It’s the icing on the cake, not the eggs needed to make the cake itself.

The love and validation and sense of worthiness I’m seeking from a relationship is what I need to give myself.

That’s my job, no one else’s.

If you’re smart, observant, self-aware and honest with yourself, you can learn a hell of a lot from relationships. Like the fact you have deeper issues at play than having a standing date for Friday nights.

I’m not going to be ready for the great relationship and partnership I’d like to complement my life until I feel good enough about myself, by myself. I can’t leave my worth in the hands of someone else. That gives all my power away.

My self worth is not tied to someone’s romantic interest in me. Or so I thought. Though it is significantly less so this time around, it’s remnants still linger. And I have to be honest with myself about that.

Rejection sucks ass. You can’t help but wonder, however fleeting, what you did wrong or what’s wrong with you. Or hell, maybe that’s just me and where I’m at in my journey of self reliance.

I’d like to believe it’s possible to get to a point where rejection is a brief sting of disappointment and then on to the next. I think if you love, value, appreciate and accept yourself exactly as and where you are, you can.

The frustrating and hard work continues. And the stability of self reliance, actualization, worth and belief beginning to solidify within me is worth every second of it.

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I'm an original. A Warhol. You're just a print. I like thrift store owls, true crime, and breaking hearts.

Ventura, CA

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