Get Over Needing Closure

Niki Marinis

And get into having some dignity

Photo Art by Katie Dutch

Closure doesn’t exist. If you’re a true crime junkie like me, you’ve seen it a thousand times on Dateline and 20/20: grieving families who put killers behind bars who feel not an ounce of closure. Catching a killer doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t bring their loved one back or end the pain in their hearts.

You think begging some jerk who ghosted you for an explanation is, what? Gonna make you feel better?

“You were a self-centered, needy, clingy, inconsiderate slob.” Feel better now?

You also seem to think they’d have a more in depth answer than, “I just don’t feel it’s a good match.”

Do you really think there’s something you can say to them that’ll make them magically regret their decision?

“You’re right! I was a fool! Take me back!” Ain’t gonna happen, friend.

Is there any response they could give you that’s going to make you feel better? No.

“Oh. Sorry.” “My bad.” “Joined a cult.”

Feel better now? Got that “closure” you wanted?

You know what you’re telling the person who ghosted you when you beg them for an explanation? (Cuz that’s what you’re doing. You’re begging them.) “You control me. You have power over me. My emotional well-being and self-worth lie in your hands.”

Sound good? Cuz fuck that noise.

When someone ghosts you they’re giving you the answer, you just don’t want to accept it. Someone never calling you again is them telling you they’re not interested in you anymore. Forcing them to give you a reason isn’t going to change their decision. Nothing you tell them is going to change their mind.

Not saying anything is saying something. You just don’t want to hear it.

“No, no, I’m too dense to pick up on your subtle clue of never contacting me again. I need the destruction of my self-worth I’ve tied to you to be complete by making you tell me with words that it’s over. Smash that sledgehammer into my face good and hard!”

Take a hint, man. Begging some dude for a reason he ghosted you is screaming, “I have no other options! I’m desperate! Obi-Wan, you’re my only hope!”

C’mon, now. This all comes down to how you feel about yourself. Because if you were dating a bunch of guys, as you should be, you’d be paying attention to and going on dates with the ones putting in the effort, and not notice or care about the idiots who disappeared.

They’re doing you a favor by weeding themselves out of your life. Be grateful. Do you really want to date a coward? He just proved he has no respect for you. Why do you want to talk to him further? Sometimes the trash takes itself out.

If you knew your worth you wouldn’t care about jackasses who didn’t.

Your ego and pride took a hit, and that’s what’s really bothering you. You think you’re letting them “get away” with “disrespecting” you by not hunting them down and demanding an answer. When you’re actually doing the exact opposite and showing them you have no dignity or respect for yourself.

You ghost me? You don’t get the privilege of speaking to me again. My time and energy are valuable and I’m not about to waste them on some loser who didn’t have the balls to bow out properly. Bye. Next! You think you’re the only man in line for this top shelf luxury brand? Please.

Not everyone can afford high end labels. Let them show themselves the door.

Be too busy and too secure in yourself to need bullshit answers from bullshit people. Don’t stroke THEIR ego by letting them know how much it hurt and bothered you. Fuck them.

Really shock and surprise them by never wasting another second on them. They may be expecting you to chase them down. To hell with that. Who’s time is more important here, yours or theirs? Confuse them when they text you in three months by replying, “Same phone, who dis?” Kick THIER ego in the nads.

Iget it. Rejection sucks ass. The ego is a huge, unwieldy bitch. But the more you like and appreciate yourself the less you’ll care or be affected by what anyone else does or says. Don’t put your power in someone else’s hands.

They opened the door and walked out it and you’re asking them for permission to close it. You’re telling them you can’t walk away until they say so. You had the power the whole time, Dorothy. You can’t control them, but you can control that door. You can shut it. All by yourself.

You wanna feel good about this situation? Get mad, flip them the bird, and shut that door without another word. Get pissed. Get turned off. You’re one less douchebag and one step closer to finding that great person who’s going to stick around.

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I'm an original. A Warhol. You're just a print. I like thrift store owls, true crime, and breaking hearts.

Ventura, CA

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