What to Do Right Now to Find the Right Man

Niki Marinis

Surprisingly simple things to give you an advantage


Photo Art by Katie Dutch

Women are always on the lookout for the right guy. And he’s got to appear out of nowhere, on our command at any given moment.

Ah yes, any second now he’ll be here in a three-piece suit with six-pack abs, our favorite coffee, and a breakfast burrito with sour cream.

Easier said than done? Not really.

It can all be yours as soon as you cut the shit and get real about what’s holding you back. Because my money and experience say, in all probability, it’s you, not him.

He’s out there, you just have to be in the right frame of mind to attract him.

Believe you can

“I’m never going to find a man.”

“I’m too fat, ugly, and stupid to meet the right man.”

“All the good men are taken.”

Sound familiar? These are just some of the things women say to themselves, and each other, over and over again that hinder them in ways that will flat out prevent them from finding that perfect man.

Guess what? Keep telling yourself these things and they’re bound to come true.

A good man doesn’t want a woman who isn’t good for him, or at the absolute minimum, good for herself. If you’re not good for yourself, how can you be good for anyone else?

Ditch that crap right now. You don’t deserve it and neither does he.

Know that the right men do exist

Most bitter, scorned, and bewildered women come to the conclusion that there aren’t any decent men left in the world. Their bitterness, scorn, and bewilderment shows like hot pink panties through white pants.

News flash: if you’re any of these things, men will avoid you like a broken sewer main.

Step up your game and stop blaming men. Acknowledge the fact that good men do exist and they’ll start finding you.

Ditch the shitty attitude

Entitlement. Rudeness. Bitchiness. “I just broke up with the biggest asshole in the world” syndrome, you name it. If your attitude stinks, chances are men think everything else in your life stinks, too.

Smile and let it go. Find the silver lining. Kill yourself doing it if you have to.

Make a valiant effort to be the best woman you can be every moment of every day. You never know when someone (the right man) is going to notice.

Get rid of all that embarrassing low-life baggage

Yeah, that Facebook pic of you and your friends taking turns using the same toilet at The Shitty Kitty Night Club isn’t doing you any favors.

And those posts on that dude's wall asking when he’s going to bring his huge cock over again isn’t casting you in the most flattering light.

Clean up your shit. Yesterday.

If you want to date someone more sophisticated than a frat bro maybe act/live/present yourself like it.

Set your sights all over the place

We find our comfort zone and we stay there even when it’s a festering pile of crap. We don’t like to change our routine because it can be uncomfortable and a lot harder for us to control.

Shake up your routine. Stop being comfortable with low expectations. If you want the right man to appear, you have to know where to make the right adjustments.

Maybe you should stop going to the bar so much. Maybe you should take that physics or cooking class you’ve been putting off. Maybe you should ditch your so-called “friends” who bring you down and make new ones in spite of what they think or say.

Break the patterns that aren’t working and do something unconventional. You never know who’s likely to make an unexpected appearance along the way.

Have the balls to expect a lot more than what you’ve been getting

You can’t complain when you knowingly tied your wagon to a loser who treats you like shit every day of the week except Tuesdays.

There’s nothing wrong with raising your standards. More importantly, you should.

Be sure to do so with a healthy dose of humility and a basis in reality. It’s not about power plays; it’s about gaining sincere respect and fostering trust. It’s about being ballsy, not bitchy.

Have a friend tell you what you’re doing wrong and listen

We don’t often have friends who are honest enough to tell us we need to pull our heads out of our asses and get real. But when they do, they can be a real lifesaver and worth their weight in gold.

If you find yourself repeating the same patterns year after year, ask a friend to be upfront and brutally honest about what you’re doing that is keeping you single.

People see you differently than you see yourself. Get an honest opinion from someone you respect and trust, who can tell you what you should work on and change.

Ask a guy and a girl friend because they’ll have platonic and romantic views for you. And above all, listen. It can work wonders.

Be confident either way

Break out a list of things you feel confident about a few times a week and read it, especially when you know you need a boost. It should have things on it like:

“I am happy and lucky and privileged and feel 100% confident in my abilities and talents.”

“I don’t need approval from people to define who I am as a woman.”

“I deserve to be happy and free from heartache and undue conflict simply because I am a good woman, deserving of respect.”

Whether you have a man or not, knowing what makes you a valuable person worthy of love and respect should be central to who you are.

Don’t stop believing in yourself and others won’t stop believing in you either.

Get out and do stuff. Get off social media and get social again

Establish real-life, tangible relationships with men. We spend a disproportionate amount of our lives on social media and we’ve come to accept tweets, pokes, and snaps as substitutes for real tokens of affections, responsibility, and loyalty.

Get out and establish meaningful flesh and blood relationships with men. The only way to know the truth about them, their intentions with you, and where you’re ultimately headed, is to revert back to the tried and true method of real, direct, physical, meaningful contact. There’ll never be a substitute for that.

There you have it. Doing these things may not resolve all the obstacles you’re facing in finding the right man, but they beat getting kicked in the ass over and over again. If you’re in the right frame of mind they can help, and they certainly can’t hurt.

Be good to yourself and good things are sure to be yours.

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I'm an original. A Warhol. You're just a print. I like thrift store owls, true crime, and breaking hearts.

Ventura, CA

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