Dating and Déjà vuing

Nicole Higginbotham-Hogue
Photo by behrouz sasani on Unsplash

You might have just gotten into a relationship with someone that you really like, and though the two of you are getting along, you might find that he or she likes to do activities with you that he or she did with his or her ex. He or she might invites you on dates at the same places that he or she used to go with a former partner, or he or she might try to do a hobby with you that he or she did with that past partner. After a while, you might be wondering when the two of you are going to make memories of your own instead of focusing on the memories that your partner had with his or her ex-partner, and you might be looking for a way to change your partner's focus from his or her past to his or her future with you. So, What how can you get out of the habit of having to relive your partner's past memories? How can the two of you create something new? Though the answers to these questions may be different for everyone, here are a few suggestions.

1. Talk to your partner about your concerns.

Maybe, your partner doesn't even know that he or she is reliving the past. Maybe, it is unintentional. Talk to your partner and let him or her know that instead of recreating the memories that he or she had, you would like to start making your own memories. See what he or she thinks about this, and try to compromise on a way to do this.

2. Initiate new activities.

Instead of waiting for your partner to come up with activities for the two of you to do, try to come up with some new activities of your own. Take pictures of the two of you doing these activities and put them on your wall so your partner has new memories to think about.

3. Plan together.

Make a bucket list of activities that the two of you haven't done before so you can make your own memories. Document your progress and talk to each other about your experiences. You might also consider doing a video diary or making a scrapbook so the two of you can look back on your adventures.

Creating new memories with your partner might seem like a difficult thing to do, but it can be done. So, talk to your partner about trying new things. Make a plan, and try to create a bucket list of adventures that the two of you can do together.

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Nicole Higginbotham-Hogue writes lifestyle articles.

Omaha, NE

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