Dating Someone with a Past

Nicole Higginbotham-Hogue

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Some people get used to having bad relationship after bad relationship. Therefore, when he or she finds a good person to be with, it is difficult for him or her to adjust. This may sound funny, but it is true. Some people just aren't used to having a healthy relationship. Now, just because he or she isn't used to this type of relationship doesn't mean that he or she doesn't want one. The trick is changing one's mindset to adjust to it.

Relationships usually start out good. Both people are in love and having a good time, and then, the first fight occurs. During this time, those that have been in unhealthy relationships in the past may get over defensive and begin to retaliate in the same way that they did in a prior relationship. By doing this, he or she may start to see his or her new relationship begin to crumble, but there are ways to prevent this.

1. Don't compare your new partner to your ex.

Everyone deserves to be given a blank slate. Just because one person acted a certain way in the past, doesn't mean the new person will.

2. Listen to what the other person is really saying.

Don't instantly assume that the other person means something negative by something that they are saying. Be patient enough to listen to his or her thoughts and listen to his or her perspective.

3. Don't assume that the other person is going to do something.

Just because a past partner acted in a certain way, doesn't mean your new one will. People make different choices, so trust that your new partner will handle a situation in a different way. If you don't give things a chance, you will never grow.

4. Be respectful.

Remember that your new partner doesn't necessarily have the same past experiences that you do, so don't be disrespectful to him or her just because someone else acted that way to you in the past.

5. Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes.

If you don't understand why a person is doing what he or she is doing or acting the way he or she is acting, then try to put yourself in his or her shoes. This may give you more clarity in the communication between the two of you and help things move more smoothly.

You will have both good and bad times while you are in a relationship. It is how you handle these times that matters, so make sure that you give a new partner a fair chance, and don't assume that your relationship will be the same as it was in the past.

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Nicole Higginbotham-Hogue writes lifestyle articles.

Omaha, NE
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