The negativity of people versus the search for harmony

Narda Maren

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Are you a Toxic person? Signs that confirm that you must stop

About three years ago, two simple events showed me that instead of blaming my surroundings, job, or friends that “everything in my life was going wrong,” it was me who had to examine myself and improve.

I evaluated what I was projecting to others, affecting not only me but also those around me. Then I learned that I was not having a healthy way of acting and thinking, and I could identify some patterns.

How can you identify if you have toxic behavior?

It is not a matter of erasing the negative emotions that certain events can cause us, but of reducing their intensity” — Jonathan García-Allen.

It’s easy to say that your sister has an unhealthy relationship with her partner or that your childhood friend is unbearable and a vampire who absorbs positive energy.

But the real challenge is to stop for a moment and analyze if you also have a way of being that affects others. Some of these signs are:

1. You always say, “I’m not okay.”

It is one of the first indications that you are a toxic person, or what would be the same, a person who negatively affects those around them.

Sharing your feelings with your friends is totally normal, but if you always say that you are not okay, you definitely have an emotional problem to solve, and your friends are not always qualified to help you with that.

Also, it’s a bit selfish to use your friends as therapists."

2. You victimize yourself

“Life is a disaster.” “I’m out of luck.” “All the bad things happen to me.”

If you always make any of these statements, even unconsciously, pay attention; you are a negative person.

You put aside all the positive aspects that you really have in your life. You’d rather play the role of a constant victim than admit that you dare not seek out and enjoy all the pleasures around you.

3. You want to control everything

Control is one of the characteristics of toxic people. They usually believe that if they are not the ones to lead something, it will not be done well, or they are already predisposed to feel bad if it is not in their total control.

They have little tolerance, ingrained beliefs, and are very rigid."

If someone has an idea, you always have a better one and somehow demand it be done your way. You manipulate people so that, in the end, you win. And if you fail, you make others feel bad.

4. You constantly interrupt others by saying that your problem is worse

Typical. A friend tells you that he is having a bad day, and you don’t let him finish: “Not at all if what is happening to me does not compare to your problem. If you knew the things that happened to me. What is happening to you is nothing.”

You are the winner of misfortunes and crises. Can you imagine? Nobody wants to have a friend like that.

5. You feel attacked

If someone tries to advise you or make you understand that something is not right, You never take it kindly.

You don’t see it as advice but as an attack. You get offended and upset.

You can’t see a simple wake-up call like a positive light; On the contrary, for you, the one who corrects you is not your friend.

6. You manipulate by blaming your emotional disorders

That you suffer from depression, anxiety or bipolarity does not justify using your condition to influence people and act up just cause you suffer from that emotional problem. Psychological disorders are treatable.

I agree that those close to you should know that you have a condition, as you may not feel well and act up in a crisis. But that is no excuse for always wanting to be the center of attention and say that others should understand you because of your behavior.

I suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), and sometimes when I am very anxious, I tend to act selfishly with my friends.

For example, my friends and I coordinate a trip together for weeks (divided expenses), but one day before the trip, I tell them, “I’m sorry, I don’t feel well, and I don’t want to go, you know I suffer from anxiety.”

That is a way to manipulate and use your condition as an excuse to be irresponsible and selfish.

The difference between “seeking support” and “transmitting toxicity.”

“Emotions are contagious. We all know this from experience. After a good coffee with a friend, you feel good. When you have a rude receptionist in front of you in a store, you feel bad.” — Daniel Goleman.

If you feel identified with some of those six characteristics, you already know that you must work on yourself.

The hardest thing at this point is accepting that you are acting toxic. But you must have an open mind and analyze not only your behaviors but your thoughts.

Friends are essential when trying to overcome a problem. Whether you are going through a stage of depression, discouragement, or procrastination, but think about it:

A person is by your side, and all you do is complain; that person will want to run away."

Your close friends are there to support you, but that does not mean you should abuse that support since you will turn your friendship relationship into a space of pessimism.

Seeking support from your friends or your partner is valid. In fact, it is essential to get ahead, but they are not your complimentary therapists and psychologists.

Remember, they are ordinary people who also have problems. They also want to be heard and need a space to laugh, enjoy and feel positive energy and vibe.

Time to change

Well. Do you recognize any pattern in your behavior about what you have read so far? So, you have taken a big step: accepting yourself should improve your thoughts and, therefore, your conduct.

Being negative and pessimistic, we achieve nothing. The same energy that you spend on negative thoughts, use it positively, and you will realize that everything around you begins to improve.

Just as you shouldn’t be around toxic people, you shouldn’t be one of them either. Work on yourself, and you can come out of the dark.

“Big changes don’t have to be hard, but they do have to start with a choice.”
“This is where real change begins; this is where you start taking control of your life and how you choose to live it; this is where it all starts.” — Nathalie Thompson, Simple Strategies for Stress Relief.
Life LessonsAdviceSelf awarenessSelf ImprovementMental Health

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Writing and providing good information is an art. My humble purpose is to communicate positive content that helps us develop a little more like human beings.

Boston, MA
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