Why Tacko Fall Will Be a Viable NBA Boston Celtic Player

Mr. Mullet

Why Tacko Fall Will Be a Viable NBA Boston Celtic Player and What He Must Improve Upon to Stay

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Will Tacko Fall Play in the NBA for the Boston Celtics? | 8-minute read

For those of you that don’t know what it feels like to guard or score on NBA players (or get a shot off around a seven-foot center), let me tell you, it happens much easier in your mind than it does in real life. Even though Tacko (Taco) Fall is the last man standing in front of my (and his) dream to play in the NBA, and I know this is going to be tougher than it looks, even if his *ICE, flat, hedge, or drop defense is suspect.

I still dream about my days in the NBA…

“Time to go, Taco Falls,” I scream over the roar of Celtic fans. “Oh, that’s not how you spell your name?”

Now Tacko Fall is screaming something to Carsen Edwards in an American-Sengalese English accent, but the Celtic TD Garden is in mind-numbing chaos. When basketball arenas go rabid, there is no better feeling on Earth, even if it feels like a Boeing jet engine is suction cupped to your ear.

“What? Right or left?” Carsen screams, looking over his right shoulder. “RIGHT OR LEFT?”

Tacko and Carsen didn’t read my scouting report, did they?

See, I love my step-back jumper going left for the game, (or what I call my Mortal Combat type finishing move… Finish Him!) They obviously didn’t see my MAC tourney championship game in 2001 against the Miami Redhawks, when I hit my step-back shot against Mike Ensminger, the slowest, most effective White athlete to ever play division one basketball in 2001 (other than me).

And yet, when it comes to driving to the rim as a middle-aged point guard that moved to the two or three from the one spot at age 39, well, you and I both know shooting mid-range jumpers with hands in faces is what we old-folk do best (enter the reason I started Swish House fitness).

Did you know, Tacko, The Taco Fall has a reach of over 10 feet?

That means I’ll literally have to shoot a five-foot floating Ice Gervin type shot.

Here, just in case you were born in the 90’s or 2000's:

Will I try a scoop layup or finger roll from over my shoulder? I have the dumpy feeling that finishing at the rim against Taco is about as likely as the actual Stan Van Gundy getting a three-point shot off on LeBron James.

The Celtic fans want blood. They want to see Tacko spike the leather ball to the moon. A rise of emotion moves like a tsunami through the Garden. I envision the Boston fans ready to spill onto the court and smash the last of their New England brains into the floor. I see a ginger-haired man in a Celtics jersey start popping bloody, grey brain chunks out of the t-shirt gun into the nose bleeds as they hoist Tacko into the air.

Pop. Pop. Pop.

That’s disgusting.

I dive to the right to see if I can get Tacko’s hips to shift, but I remember he is dominating the G League and that me scoring on him might be a bit of a stretch. But let’s be honest, players like me, or John Stockton’s son, or Paul Shirley, know what it feels like to be the White guy at the end of an NBA bench.

I open Tacko Falls NBA Synergy report, he allows .875 points per defensive possession.

https://img.particlenews.com/image.php?url=0wEO67_0YC6YO8400 photo credit: syngery.com

I stop and research Tacko’s 11 NBA pick and roll possessions on Synergy, a software app for pro and NCAA coaches that splits each basketball possession of every team or player in the world into a playlist of pre-cut videos. I want to see how to attack Tacko in my dream. I watch how he guards ball screens over and over.

I find my answer and his weakness.

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In modern-day basketball, you can see what might be holding a player back from a statistical standpoint offensively and defensively. Is a player (offensively and defensively) inefficient on ball screens, spot-ups, isolations, going right, going left, scoring from midrange, inside the charge circle, or three?

The primary issue I see for his NBA demise is the fluidity and speed of the game. The game is becoming more about size plus mobility plus versatility (the reason why Kevin Durant & LeBron Jame are winning more titles, because they are two-way offensive/defensive players) than it is protecting the paint. This means, if he rotates to block a shot or take on a guard in one on one on a drop, then there is no way he is turning back out to closeout as the next one to four read and reaction or rotation actions happen around him.

Tacko Fall’s most significant value is with an NBA team that has mobile, lengthy, and athletic (and highly skilled) guards around him, so he can just stay in the lane and tap his foot out for that 2.9 seconds and get back in the lane to create havoc, or get an easy alley-oop or dump-off pass near the rim.

His NBA body is already worth hundreds of thousands of dollars to some clubs in Europe. Maybe CSKA could use a little shot-blocking punch in the lane, or he could back up Greg Monroe in Bayern Munich, or maybe Josh Childress could invite him to Australia’s NBL.

Hell, if I was that big, I’d be the best player to ever play (says every short basketball player, ever) the game. But then again, it’s not that easy. Imagine your feet and limbs doubling, or your femurs being placed on two-foot wooden blocks and trying not to fall over as the world’s most explosive, quick, and comprehensive athletes put you on ice skates with a leather ball in their hands.

The good news: Tacko only started hooping after his love of soccer failed him in Senegal at the age of 16. During this same time, most 16-year old American kids were hoping to get their driver’s license.

And now, I know many of you have probably never hung out with seven-foot fivers on a day to day basis, but being tall doesn’t automatically mean you should get into the NBA, nonetheless, an NBA All-Star game.

The real question is, will the Boston Celtics fans ever see Tacko Fall on an NBA court for longer than 10 minutes a game?

I think so. It comes down to developing Tacko Fall’s game and body. His hip mobility, power, and lateral quickness seem lacking. But if he continues increasing just that, he will make and help the NBA’s Boston Celtics again and again.

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Mr. Mullet tells us European how pro sports, love to life lessons, wild travel experiences, and awakening the dreams of those stuck in the American Matrix are connected. Most importantly, Mr. Mullet lives his life like a mullet.

Chicago, IL
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