For years, I have been with a man, who is my husband in my heart but not in the eyes of others.
This man and I have a baby and a deep love for one another. But for so long we did not speak the word "marriage". In the 7 years we have been together we have been open about our past, our expectations, and our future together. We have been to many weddings as well as watched many of our friends end relationships we thought were forever. This gave me so many mixed feelings. I told myself I do not believe in marriage here's why!
I do not believe that getting married changes anything. I do not expect my partner to change. I do expect that being married or holding a piece of paper that says we are married makes our relationship stronger, better, or more stable than others. I did not believe in marriage because I simply did not believe marriages lasted. I didn't want to be married for the fact that I was scared if we married, we would end. I didn't want that. This man is my best friend, my partner, and the love of my life. It's the great love that I compared all other love to. For being so young, I have felt heartache, I have felt sorrow. I cannot imagine a day without my partner. He's the glue that holds me together. When you find someone who knows your exact thought by your expression on your face, who loves you on your darkest day and can surprise you when you aren't expecting it, you have something real.
Love isn't about a perfect relationship where you never fight. Love is passion, finding someone whose flaws you can live with and who can live with yours. Love is not giving up because you have put yourself in a corner where nothing is working. It's a continuous road of endless effort to make things work!
I now need to apologize to all those of you who I said "I don't believe in marriage" to when you were having the best moment of your life! I sincerely apologize for putting my insecurity of marriage onto you. And I truly wish you all the best in any relationships. I now see that marriage is different for everyone.
Now why did I change my mind. I had a child. This child and I do not share a last name. My partner and I are married in my heart. I will love no other the way I love this man. I have already given myself to him, forever. Now I realize that in my eyes we are married to the standard others marry for. I crave to share a last name with my son and partner.
In July I will marry Chris, my vows will not change the bond we already have or the expectations we have for one another. The day after we will be the same couple we are today - with more of a hangover. I have no expectations for married life because we're already married to me. The only thing changing is my name.
I wrote this article 5 years ago, I have been married to my husband now for 5 years, and I will say that marriage did change things. It gave me a sense of confidence in our relationship that I was no longer afraid of my partner was leaving. Hearing him say our vows also made me realize how much love he had for me, that I never knew.
If you are in the process of getting married, I will say this, Think of your partners biggest fault and if that never changed will you still love them. Chances are that fault will never change, and your love through everything shouldn’t either.