My wife says I need to work 14-hour shifts and then watch the baby after

Modern Parent

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To preface this our daughter is a year and a half years old and hands down the greatest thing in my life. We were blessed with her right before COVID, and all was seemingly normal for the first few months until I started noticing her sleeping through the baby waking up. 

I work the night shift and don’t make it back home until the early morning, usually 5 to 630 AM. I work 4 days a week consecutively in a high-stress, physically demanding environment (not climate controlled). So after 13 or 14 hours, I’m usually pretty spent and just want some quiet and to relax with a game or TV before I have to go to bed to do it all over again.

Anyway, I would get the baby from my wife and stay up with my daughter for what I felt was a reasonable amount of time for her to get some due rest and then wake her up when I’m ready to go to bed.

The only problem is that now this has been almost a normal routine for the last year and I'm just so tired. I go to work, come home, watch the baby for 3–4 hours, go to bed, rinse and repeat. I’ve tried telling my wife that I don’t think it’s fair I have to go to work and watch the baby too when she only has to watch the baby, at home, left to her own devices, with no managers or corporate to tell you when you can take a restroom break. I understand she has to do things around the baby’s schedule but compare the looming authority of your boss to your whining kid. 

I’d also like to mention the fact that I give my wife my weekends too and watch the baby for one of my days off entirely on my own while she does what she wants to for the day. Not including the help, I give her the rest of the weekend. I just feel worn out, my hair is falling out and I’m 25 and I don’t know… sometimes I just sit in my car after work and have a long moment of silence to myself. Am I being selfish? Is this normal? Should my wife be able to handle this and get adequate rest with the help I give her? She always says she’s “just so tired” but I’m also so tired. Thanks for listening… back to work.

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