My daughter (12) says she never wants to come home

Modern Parent

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I’m posting because I’m feeling so down and feel like I can’t vent to anyone.

My daughter (12) says she hates me and never wants to come home because “I put her through hell”.

My daughter has had a rough year. Last year during Covid, my now ex-husband and I split after he became extremely emotionally and verbally abusive and started treating our children like garbage. My daughter (who was his stepdaughter) has known him and seen him as her best friend since she was two so it was really hard for her to deal with our divorce. We moved and the kids had to go to a new school and she started acting out, specifically engaging in extremely inappropriate behaviour and messaging with other boys in her class. 

I pulled her from the school and put her online but eventually, we started having issues again with her listening to me and myself and her actual father agreed that maybe we changed custody temporarily to him having her for the weeks and me on the weekends. I also started seeing someone new in this time and according to him (she still won’t admit it), she offered some extremely inappropriate stuff to him right before I decided to send her to her father's. She’s been with dad now for four weeks. Dad says there have been no problems but this weekend she and I had multiple big fights about her terrible attitude and behaviour. First, she called me a skank for having a boyfriend, then she told me I’m a prostitute, told me I don’t love her and neglect her, then had the audacity to say that I ruined my marriage with my ex-husband and not the other way around.

Lastly, today before sending her back to Dad's, she told me she’s tried marijuana. I asked her how she got that and she refused to say, and said, and I quote, “I hope I get pregnant before I’m old enough for you to kick me out so you have to suffer as much as I do”.

I’ve never neglected her. She was such a great kid before Covid. She had all A’s besides gym, she was a star cheerleader, wanted to be in the Supreme Court, was just an amazing overall individual. Now she’s become a nightmare and I’m at a loss for what to do.

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New York City, NY
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