5 Biggest Reasons Why ‘Men’ Cheat?



So recently I’ve been thinking about this a lot is why do men cheat? The more I thought about this, the more I realised that I needed to rephrase the question from Why Do Men Cheat to Why Do People Cheat. Because let’s be fair here, it’s not just men that cheat, and be it men or women, we both cheat for pretty much the same reasons. So, why do people cheat?

It’s not an easy question to answer, but the more I thought about it, the more I managed to narrow it down to four things, based on personal experience and discussion with others, both men and women. So, let’s go through them together.

An Imbalance Of Roles


What I mean by imbalance is the imbalance in masculine and feminine energy. Men (I’m referring to those that cheat not all men) don’t know how to be properly masculine without being a bully or by being what women perceive as weak and just blanking out and disengaging and walking away. When that happens, then there’s a lack of respect that happens with women, and we really don’t want to know about them.

Slowly but surely we start to feel as sexually disconnected with them, and we present them and finally we lose respect. So it’s a bit of a challenge. So of course, there’s lots of kind of political connotations around this masculine and feminine energy, and I’m an advocate for inclusion more than anyone. But there is definitely an important balance of masculine and feminine when a couple is together and thriving. Again, that doesn’t necessarily mean that the man in the relationship is always carrying masculine energy or fulfilling that role, in some relationships masculinity could be assigned to a female gender, or there could be certain areas where the woman takes on more masculine roles and the male a feminine role, but there is balance and understanding, which is the most important thing, but when cheating does occur, there is an imbalance in that masculine and feminine energy in the relationship.

What do you get when you cross a Tesla Model S with a Model 3 and a Model X

Yup, you guessed it, sex! When it comes to sex and our sexual behavior, there is a lot of variation and preference in taste and needs and quirks and wants in that and in a relationship, this can be one of the biggest challenges that we have.

There are a lot of people, men and women, who, perhaps even as time goes on, become asexual-ish, that is to say, that they don’t feel like they want to have sex with their partner anymore. Be it the frequency, or type or with the same umph as at the beginning of the relationship. The real challenge is they then expect their partners who may well still be feeling quite sexual to fit in with that. And that’s what causes a lot of issues and can lead to, you guessed it, cheating. Actually, it’s a basic human need. And if you’re in a situation where you’re in a loveless and sexless relationship, there are usually 4 options. Either accept it, but that usually comes with resentment, or cheat (I wouldn’t recommend either), leave or communicate your feelings! Which is going to be reason number 3.

Poor Communication

Expecting The Undeliverable

Here’s an example. If we live in a certain suburb, if we do certain jobs, there are these expectations that we have in our head that we impose on others as well. So the truth is that none of these expectations actually are real. And although we do have to do a bit of negotiation between couples to make sure that our expectations and how we fit together actually are right, but still, feel that social constructs around the traditional nuclear family, well, I don’t think it actually works for everybody.

And we definitely need a little more open-minded way of thinking about living as couples in society. this whole idea that we’re choosing people forever might not be right for you. For some people, it just puts social and societal pressures onto them. I just don’t know that that suits everybody. So I might be a bit controversial about that. I feel like if you took the pressure off, maybe it would help those people who feel that way avoid destroying their relationship because of this fear of being with one person for the rest of their lives when they feel that they are able to love more than one person.

Ultimately you need to really be certain for yourself what your actual needs are before you get into a committed relationship — one that both you and your partner(s) are happy with. Not one defined by society. And until you know, and are aware of your own needs, then you can’t actually expect anyone else to be able to deliver them. So how many times a week do you need to have sex to feel fulfilled? What kind of sex do you need to have? What kind of behaviors and ways of interacting make you feel loved? What is your love language?

This is a really fantastic way for you to figure out if you’re actually talking the same language and you aren’t imposing your own way and style on your partner, but rather are complementary to each other and to the relationship.

So the next time you think about getting into a relationship with someone, sit down with your potential partner and have an open discussion about what you both want, I think you’ll find that it will help massively in avoiding the C-word in future.

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Mindsmatter is written by Bola Kwame, Jack Graves and Emma Buryd. De-stigmatizing mental illness one day at a time. www.linktr.ee/Mindsmatter

New York, NY

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