To Men Who Are in Toxic Relationships

Michelle Jaqua

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This is for the men trapped in toxic relationships. I hate to tell you this, but I must: she doesn't love you. It’s not because you’re unlovable, but because she doesn't know how to love someone. They don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like, and they will never be in a healthy relationship with you, no matter how hard you try to make it better. It won’t change, because they are getting exactly what they want out of the relationship, and they don’t care much about your needs.

I know that:

  • You have been demeaned and torn down.
  • You’ve had to rescue her over and over.
  • You feel like you can make it better if only you tweak something here or there.
  • You work so very, very hard not to rock the boat and to keep the peace.

I want to tell you that it’s all an illusion.

I want to give you a big hug and whisper in your ear that you deserve so much more than this. I want to tell you that what you endure on a daily basis takes a considerable amount of reserve, and you’re a resourceful man who doesn't need to do this anymore.

I want you to know that, in reality, she needs you more than you need her. She is dependent on you, yet able to do what she wants and still get love from you. This kind of relationship is great for her, because she is an energy vampire. She will feed off of you and suck you dry of your spirit to give her what she needs to carry on.

She needs you. You don’t need her.

Don’t believe that her need for you in this way is a good thing. She will do everything she can to keep you under her thumb and make you think she can't live without you, so she can continue the illusion and take away your energy for her personal use.

Don’t try to make it better. She doesn’t want it to be better. Because see, she knows what she’s doing, and she does it on purpose. She has control over her emotions. She wants you to believe that she’s out of control because she wants you to feel sorry for her. It’s only another way to control you — she knows exactly what she’s doing.

Don’t do therapy with her. She is toxic. Therapy is just another way for her to use you.

However, therapy for yourself does work. A good therapist can change your life. A therapist can show you who you are and mirror what you’re going through. They can show you how to change your life into being a happy, emotionally healthy person.

You can be by yourself and be happy. In time, you can find another partner who will share a loving relationship with you. I know you can do this. I believe in you.

You can be free. You’re more mentally powerful and resourceful than you believe you are. It will take more than you think you have in you, but don’t underestimate yourself. You CAN change your life for the better.

However, I plead with you, please do it now; don’t waste another second of your life in doubt. You’re worth the work it takes to create a happier life.

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I write about local food and beverage spots, adventures and events, and updated happenings worth knowing. I may even throw in a little history for the fun of it! I also write about relationships and recovery from abuse and domestic violence. Subscribe to my page and get my info in your email.

Lake Oswego, OR
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