He Doesn’t Really Love You

Michelle Jaqua

This is how you know when the love isn’t real


A woman I know recently started a relationship and she was in love with him. He also told her how deeply was in love with her, how they were going to spend the rest of their lives together. He even told her that he dropped to his knees and thanked God for giving him this relationship. She was adored and idolized. He put her on a pedestal so high, she was bound to fall off and hurt herself.

Unfortunately, she figured out he was putting on an act. He didn't really love her, but needed a relationship so badly because he couldn't function without one and his "love" was meant to trap her into a relationship where he completely controlled her.

Afterwards, she told me she was glad to be out of that relationship. However, the hardest thing to get over was that the entire relationship was a sham. He never really ‘loved’ her. His actions didn’t convey his heart. He easily moved on the next victim of his love bombing without so much as a flinch of despair. 

Oh sure, he cried when she told him it was over. He tried to pull her back in again. But when it was obvious she wasn’t having anymore of it, he was back to online dating within hours of their final parting. 

He was an emotional abuser and a narcissist. Those two personality traits combined are incapable of experiencing real human emotions and nurturing relationship connections. It is all about manipulation and control, and getting what they need to fill a big dark hole in their soul. 

These are the signs she saw and figured out he didn't really love her, but instead was using her:

1. He moved too fast in the relationship.

2. He started moving in with her without her realizing it; he brought over his belongings little by little until he had half a closet full of his things, all within the first month of knowing her.

3. He was overly demonstrative in his affection towards her; sending you constant texts, calls, always over at her place, and never giving her time to herself.

4. When he was over, he never helped her with the expenses like groceries or going out to do things. She was paying for his food and expenses while he was with her.

5. He talked about himself, but never asked her any questions about her life, about her day, or her family or friends.

6. He ignored her family and friends when they were around.

He became another man after the initial excitement with him wore off. Unlike many women who would continue a relationship trying to get back that initial spark, she left him. It wasn't easy. But she's much happier now.

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Michelle Jaqua is a freelance writer who lives in the beautiful state of Oregon. She writes about a variety of news and happenings in the Pacific Northwest, along with some PNW history and fun facts. Subscribe to her page and get her posts in your email.


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