Today, someone ghosted me. The worst part is, I saw it coming.
Having been through x² relationships, I’ve mastered the art of knowing when I’m about to be ghosted. Because if there is one thing I’m sure of, it’s that foreshadowing it is an art in itself.
If you are at that point, that is, in the greyish zone where you’re feeling in your guts something is about to happen, or not happen, here are three blatant signs he, or she, is about to ghost you.
#1 — They already did it; you just didn’t notice.
My ghoster and I were talking over Whatsapp every day before it happened. We had promised each other eternal love already; we had even planned an upcoming holiday getaway for god sake when his text messages started coming shorter, and shorter, and shorter.
ME: Everything okay?
HIM: Yep. Had a tiresome weekend. How about you?
When someone’s on the road to fully ghost you but hasn’t stopped replying to your texts 100%, they’ll become monosyllabic.
After sending back a lengthy reply confessing my existential doubts, my homesickness, my fear of winter, and the morbid loneliness being born inside me, I just got an “Oh! Cool!” answer back.
He’s already ghosting me; I just didn’t want to see it, to come to terms with it.
#2 — Each new message takes longer.
What was that itch on my guts? I wondered. And then I realized it was time — time nibbling into me. It wasn’t that late when he replied, but it had taken him almost 24 hours to get back from the last text I sent.
The itchiness became unbearable. So I texted him again, and again, and the more I texted, the longer he took to reply, and the more anxiety ate into myself, the more I itched.
When he finally got back, he swore everything was fine, but time in between said otherwise. And his reasons, like others before him have done, were full of arguments like:
- “I was tired, needed a break from my phone.”
- “Sorry. Needed to catch up on some readings.”
- “I’ve been out a lot.”
If an ounce of interest still existed in his innermost being, the answers would not be apologetic. And oh-boy, they would come faster.
#3 — You’re giving them the benefit of the doubt.
As the possibility of being on the road to get fully ghosted became larger, I decided to grab a coffee with my best friend and talk about it.
During the conversation, I caught myself excusing him, that is, I realized I had been giving him the benefit of the doubt for over a week. He wasn’t even the one putting up with excuses anymore, I was.
“You are young and pretty,” said my friend, “but that won’t last forever. Don’t waste your time with men like that.”
While her words contained an ordinary truth, I don’t want to live my life as if time was spiling from my hands, but on the other hand, being ghosted definitely gives you the feeling that your time is being maneuvered by somebody else. And I’m done with that.
Giving the benefit of the doubt is giving other people the possibility of playing with your time, especially when you can’t spell away the feeling of being about to get fully ghosted.
Not every ghoster out there will disappear out of thin air in a matter of days. Some of them like to take their time; they like to pull the strings that tie you to them little by little. And that’s when you have to pull out the sharpest scissors and cut the loops.
Time is not running out, but running after someone who only lives of words like, okay, no, cool, yeah, will make you feel tired, and that energy you have right now will be lost in time. We’ve all been ghosted at some point in our lives, even Shakespeare! — if you don’t believe me, read Hamlet. You’ll see what I’m talking about.
Nothing is more challenging than deciding when to lose someone. But if you are on the way to get ghosted, you might as well reconsider who is actually losing here. And that person is not going to be you.
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