Being ‘different’ in a society that discriminates is always confusing. Kim Lee, who was born a girl in Malaysia, also felt confused with how girls had different standards and expectations from boys. While girls were asked to play indoor games, boys played outside, and Lee felt the need to join the boys.
At the tender age of three, Lee tried to tell his mother that he didn’t feel right being a ‘girl.’ But his mother kept mum, and he got the idea that there was something wrong with him.
At six, he realized he was attracted to girls despite ‘hating their uniform’, the same uniform he wore every day to school. But he was scared and decided to stick to his present attire. So, he grew his hair, wore dresses, and walked like a lady to fit in.
In his mid-20s, Lee was watching a show that featured Thomas Beatie, a trans man pregnant with a baby, when everything just clicked. He felt like all pieces of the puzzle fell into place. He realized he wanted to change his gender.
So, he moved to Melbourne, Australia, where he felt more himself. He contacted July Lies, a girl he had gone to school with, who instantly connected with him. The duo spoke and got into a relationship.
Lee had come out about his gender issues to Lies, and she supported him in going forward with hormone replacement therapy. After a year, they tied the knot, and three months later, they started to try for a baby, like Lies always wanted.
Although she conceived several times, all her pregnancies ended in miscarriages, and she was considered high-risk. Seeing Lies heartbroken, Lee decided to step in. He stopped his hormone treatments and tried to conceive via IVF even though he didn’t like the idea.
“It really took a toll on" his wife, and Lee didn’t want her to go through that anymore. He explained they technically had ‘two ovens.’
Throughout his journey as a man carrying a baby, he faced discrimination. One that stands out was in the IVF facility when they were waiting to undergo an embryo transfer.
July was "happy" to be with Lee because he felt uncomfortable alone in a space known for feminine-looking pregnant people. But it was Covid, and partners weren’t allowed.
The nurse asked Lee to leave, assuming Lies was carrying because she looked like a woman. When the couple clarified that Lee was going to carry, the nurse asked out loud what procedure they would undergo in front of other patients - which was against patient confidentiality. The couple, although enraged, replied they would like to explain that in private.
“As I passed the first trimester," Lee said, "when my belly grew, I got quite uncomfortable being outside. I felt self-conscious, and I felt uncomfortable with myself and my body,” Lee added.
After many ordeals, in March 2022, Lee gave birth to Morgan. Lee thinks Morgan is a lot like him - determined and persistent. Now, the couple is trying for their second baby.
Lee decided to share his story with the world to help other transgender and non-binary people who’re worried about becoming parents. He says that transgender-diverse people go through a lot of discrimination when carrying a baby. But he feels ‘holding the child in your arms’ is worth every battle they experience.
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