5 College Football Teams That Should Never Change Their Uniform

Matthew Donnellon

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I love college football. Probably more than I like watching the NFL. One of the better parts of college football is the history associated with the schools. Now, to change things up — and to cash in on sycophant alumni and students — many teams use several different jerseys. But, there are a handful of teams that should never touch their uniforms.

This is not to say that no college team should play with their uniforms. Oregon always looks cool no matter what they wear. The Michigan State Spartan Warrior uniforms are great. But. There are some teams that shouldn’t be messed with.

Now before you tell me how all of these teams wear different jerseys, I know. What I’m saying as that all the teams mentioned here have base uniforms that they’ve used for a long time. And I don’t think they should change them for a little periodic pizzaz now and again. Because whatever they use won’t be nearly as iconic as their normal gear. 

5. University of Iowa

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This might seem a bit random. It might be the first school you think of when thinking about school uniforms but I have to include Iowa here.

The Hawkeyes just look cool. The yellow and black pops on television. But, this school has one of the best color schemes. It’s a classic combination and the lines are clean.

Also, as a writer, I’ve always wanted to go to the Iowa Writer’s Workshop. But you can’t watch the writers on TV, so the football team is as close as I get.

Though, every time I see them I first think I’m watching a Steelers game.

4. University of Texas

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Texas has one of the best uniforms.

For one, the burnt orange looks cool, and it’s unique as half the schools are red and white or blue and white. Plus, these uniforms look great during night games. But, the best feature of Texas is the helmet. The burnt orange long horn on the side on the white field captures the school and the state perfectly. Though if Nike had their way, these helmets would have actual horns on them.

Also — and this is mostly nostalgia talking — I think the National Championship between Texas and USC was the greatest football game I ever watched. The orange and white confetti that fell was super memorable.

I still have vivid memories of staying up late and getting in trouble because I had school the next day, but it was worth it. I wasn’t a Texas fan. Vince Young was just fun to watch, as was Reggie Bush. My friends and I consumed all their highlights. That burnt orang and white confetti made an impression. 

3. University of Southern California

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The Trojans have a unique color scheme. The second you see these colors you know it’s USC, though I guess you could also think Iowa State at first glance if you live somewhere surrounded by corn. The school is intimately tied with the glitz and glamor of LA, and these uniforms look like the ones you’d pick for a movie. Though, I can just see some advertising executive thinking, “What if we dress them like real Trojans, that’d hip, right?” And then I’d have to watch Stanford play a game agains the Praetorian Guard.

(Note: I realized I combined two different, two very different, historical periods, but it sounds better, and don’t let facts get in the way of a good story.)

2. Notre Dame

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Here’s the thing.

I know no one likes Notre Dame fans, or the school, and Brian Kelly is a psycho that’s two seconds from actually stabbing a player, but these uniforms are awesome. The navy blue with the gold hasn’t changed much over the last hundred years, other than their periodic use of the green uniforms, because they nailed it the first time around. And, the helmets (every single Notre Dame fan you meet will tell you that the helmets are painted with 24 karat gold.)

P.S. Rudy has a lot to do with them being here.

P.P.S. also, if there’s a team on this list that I would allow to change their uniforms it would be Notre Dame. Those green jersey’s are awesome.

1. University of Michigan

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I don’t actually even like Michigan that much, which is a capitol offense in the state in which I currently reside.

It’s kind of like how the most annoying thing about veganism are vegans, the worst thing about Michigan is the people that went there. 

I think Jim Harbaugh is crazy. Michigan fans are kind of annoying. They will gladly tell you about the winning history and all the championships (most of which predate the forward pass). They love that stupid big block M. Like, I get it, it’s a dope letter. It’s the first letter of my name, I like it too. But, I don’t want it tattooed on my forehead like every Michigan fan secretly wants. I mean they worship that logo.

And, you’re not special. The Jordan brand is Nike with the Jumpman logo. Michael Jordan doesn’t care about you. All he cares about is gambling and ruining the Hornets. And, their silly yellow uniforms made them look like Bumblebee Halloween costumes. Yes there were a couple designs that weren’t that bad but at the end of the day, it won’t look nearly as cool as the iconic blue on game day.

But, those regular uniforms are great. You can’t hardly go into any building here without seeing at least one picture of Michigan football players, and they always look cool. So, leave well enough alone.

Also, it doesn’t matter anyway because in two years Jim Harbaugh is going to change the colors to khaki and fill all the water bottles with milk.

I mean if he’s still there. As his future gets more and more tenuous each year. 

So I don’t think they should ever deviate. I mean that’s their thing. Michigan people love tradition. They will gladly tell all about how they won 20 championships before the telephone was invented. They should embrace this. Since recent history suggests the good ole’ days are over. 

EDIT: Also, get over yourselves. Maize and Blue? It’s yellow. Stop being pretentious.

So there you have it.

Five teams that shouldn’t change their uniforms. 

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Matthew Donnellon is a writer, artist, and sit down comedian. He is the author of The Curious Case of Emma Lee and Other Stories

Detroit, MI
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