Take Ownership of Your Insecurities to Boost Your Confidence

Matt Lillywhite

Photo by Bonnie Kittle on Unsplash


Someday, you are going to die. You shall eventually leave this world, and your life on earth shall be nothing more than a momentary blip on the vast timeline of existence.

Sure, you might say to yourself, “that concept is absolutely terrifying.” After all, everything and everyone you’ve ever known and loved shall eventually turn to dust. But when you zoom out and widen your perspective, it’s an extremely beautiful thought.

You have a limited amount of time and energy to spend on this beautiful planet that we call home. So in-between this very moment and your eventual death, is it really worth spending your time on things that don’t really matter? Is it worth worrying about other people’s opinions? Or things you cannot change? Probably not.

Unless you have a crystal ball that enables you to look into the future, you don’t know what tomorrow has in store. The future isn’t here yet; you can’t control it. The only thing you can control is what you do right now in the present moment.

Thousands of years ago, the Roman emperor, Marcus Aurelius, wrote: “The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.” If you want to live an incredible life, you first need to improve your mindset.And that process begins by learning to control any negative thoughts or insecurities, so they’re no longer in control of you.

Here’s how.

Learn The True Meaning Of Confidence.

I got bullied in high school and was repeatedly told how I’m “boring, ugly, and will never amount to anything notable in my entire life.” As you can imagine, my self-esteem used to be incredibly low. But one day, I stumbled across a quote by Christina Grimmie that completely changed my way of thinking. It goes like this:

“Confidence is not ‘they will like me.’ Confidence instead is ‘I’ll be fine if they don’t.’”

We often spend so much time trying to get other people to like us. But that’s a losing strategy since you can’t please everyone. Even if you try, your personality will be so dull that it won’t appeal to anyone you find interesting. After all, you won’t have any strong opinions or thoughts due to a fear of saying something wrong.

Since I learned the true meaning of confidence, my entire life has changed for the better. I don’t change who I am merely to gain approval or validation from other people. Instead, I focus on what I can do each day to feel proud of who I am. My own opinion of myself is the only one that matters.

Have a little bit of faith in yourself. Stop trying to force people to like you. Instead, spend a lot more time with people who genuinely like you for who you are. Although it might seem like a simple strategy, the effect it’ll have on your happiness and self-esteem is profound.

Focus On What You Find Meaningful.

Spend a lot more time doing things you enjoy. Prioritize your own needs, and remember that taking care of your mind, body, and soul is incredibly important. Quoting an article published by Forbes:

“Self-care is important to maintain a healthy relationship with yourself as it produces positive feelings and boosts your confidence and self-esteem. Also, self-care is necessary to remind yourself and others that you and your needs are important too.”

I love reading. It’s an activity that I’ve tried to do a lot more frequently over the past few months. For me, there’s nothing more relaxing than getting lost in an incredible book about philosophy, psychology, or anything else that I find interesting. It’s the first thing I do when I get out of bed and the last thing I do before going to sleep.

Embrace creativity, spend time with loved ones or do anything else you enjoy. As the Greek philosopher, Epictetus, writes: “Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants.” He’s right. If you want to live an incredible life, you need to spend more time doing things you find meaningful. Your mood and self-esteem will massively improve as a result.

Remember That Being Awkward Is Awesome.

I love going to the shore of Lake Ontario and watching the sunset with a friend. We often don’t say a word for 15–20 minutes. It’s not because we don’t have anything to say; we could easily talk for many hours at a time. Instead, we’re enjoying the moment. It’s the only thing that matters.

You don’t have to speak during every moment of a conversation for it to be enjoyable. Heck, even the silent moments are beautiful when you’re able to spend time with people you care about.

I’m not exaggerating when I say this adjustment in my way of thinking has changed my life forever. Personally, I’d rather speak when I have something meaningful to say than random words just for the sake of avoiding an awkward silence. As Plato once wrote,

“Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.”

You can’t control what other people do, think, or say. So what’s the point in worrying about all of that? There is none. Focus on yourself. Concentrate on what you can do each day to embrace authenticity, and enjoy every moment of your life (as much as possible).

Learn From Your Past To Improve The Future.

In his book, The Obstacle Is the Way, Ryan Holiday writes: “We forget: In life, it doesn’t matter what happens to you or where you came from. It matters what you do with what happens and what you’ve been given.”

That’s one of my favorite quotes of all time. The reason? It’s incredibly accurate. You can’t change the past since it’s already happened. However, you can certainly learn from it to improve your future.

Every single decision you’ve ever made has led you to this very moment. Who you are right now is a sum of your past choices. Don’t worry if you’re not where you want to be in life. Don’t judge yourself; You’re on a journey.All you need to do is make positive decisions in the present moment to create a better future.

My past isn’t perfect. I used to have a terrible mindset. But I now know that positive habits, consistently implemented over time, will have an incredible impact on my future. Hence why I workout, eat a variety of healthy foods, and write every day. Slowly but surely, I’m becoming the type of person I want to be.

Harness the power of compound interest. Put one foot in front of the other. Make a little bit of progress each day, and you’ll eventually reach your desired destination.

My friend, an incredible life is certainly within your reach. It’s possible. But the only person who has the power to make your dreams a reality is you. And of course, improving your mindset by implementing the above strategies is certainly a great place to start.

Focus on what you find meaningful, learn the true meaning of confidence, remember that being awkward is awesome, and learn from your past to improve the future. If you can do all of that, it’ll only be a matter of time before your confidence and self-esteem exponentially improve.

I’m going to leave you with a beautiful quote from Marcus Aurelius, who perfectly sums up what I’m trying to say: “You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.”

Take ownership of your insecurities and embrace authenticity during every given moment. Because whether you like it or not, you have a limited amount of time on this earth.

Spend it wisely.

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Matt Lillywhite covers politics, the economy, and kitchen-table issues that matter.


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