Earlier this year, I was texting an amazing girl and talking every day until the early hours of the morning. But all of a sudden, she stopped messaging back, and I was left wondering what I could’ve done wrong.
Questions plagued my mind as I tried to figure out what turned her into a ghost. But while listening to an audiobook during a walk down the beach, I heard the following quote from Marcus Aurelius, which completely changed my way of thinking:
“You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this, and you shall find strength.”
I’ve discovered that when something in life doesn’t go as planned, it’s pointless worrying over circumstances outside of your control. So a better solution is gaining an understanding of psychology to prevent it from happening again in the future.
Below are a collection of reasons as to why somebody may be reluctant to reply to your message. Although the truth may be uncomfortable in the short-term, it’s definitely better than never having closure over your thoughts.
Each one of these insights helped me to understand the rationale behind somebody’s actions so I could finally move on with my life. I hope they do the same for you, too.
They Think You’re Boring.
Most people think that they’re pretty exciting to have a conversation with. So when somebody thinks the opposite, it can be a massive blow to the ego.
The truth is that fun is entirely subjective. For example, I consider a conversation about the meaning of life to be fun, while others may find it to be intellectually challenging at 10am on a Monday morning.
Don’t overthink, and remember that you’ll never be able to please everyone in the world, so you might as well focus on pleasing yourself. In the words of Kriss Carr: “When you’re too focused on living up to other people’s standards, you aren’t spending enough time raising your own.”
Their Battery Died.
Whenever I’m out in the Canadian mountains or any other area of wilderness, it’s common for my phone to run out of signal, which makes me unable to communicate with the outside world.
Truth be told, I absolutely love the feeling of being isolated from civilization while exploring the beautiful scenery. But even when I’m not in nature, there are occasions where my phone battery dies, or I get a terrible cellphone service, which makes it challenging to respond to messages.
It’s important to remember that some people don’t always carry a phone charger while downtown etc. So I’ve found that a good rule of thumb is that if they take longer than 24 hours to reply, they’re probably ignoring you.
They’re Genuinely Busy.
I’m totally empathetic to the fact that people live busy lives. After all, if we spent all day replying to other people, we wouldn’t be able to use our time to accomplish anything else. That would suck.
So it’s important to remember that they may genuinely be occupied with other things, and may not be able to respond to your message immediately. But if they don’t text back after appearing online for several hours, they probably just don’t think of you as essential to their schedule.
They’re Being Passive Aggressive.
In an ideal world, everyone would be open about their problems and could have a civilized conversation to resolve any disputes. But unfortunately, that is rarely the case.
I’ve noticed that some people prefer to act in a passive-aggressive manner, instead of choosing to confront the issue directly.
For example, they may not respond to your text for 2 weeks because they’re mad at something you said. If this ever happens to you, just remember that such behavior often exemplifies a lack of emotional intelligence & empathy towards other people.
They’re Just Lazy.
Some people take hours to respond to a message after initially viewing it. And although it’s frustrating, it’s just how they behave.
We often forget that we aren’t at the top of people’s list of priorities. Because a harsh truth is that some people would much instead finish off their binge-watching session before replying to any messages on social media.
Some people are just lazy & unmotivated to reply. So if they continually show an evident lack of interest towards you, it’s probably a good idea to reciprocate the gesture.
Instead of spending my time worrying about saying something wrong during a conversation, I’ve come to realize that ghosting is a better reflection of their personality, instead of mine. Cato the Elder said it best:
“We cannot control the evil tongues of others, but a good life enables us to disregard them.”
Remember: Although we may not have control over what other people do & say, we certainly have the power to choose how we respond.