Three Bad Habits That Are Keeping You Single

Matt Lillywhite

Give them up if you want to improve your dating life.

Photo by Daniel Corneschi on Unsplash

It’s incredibly difficult to find love.

At least, that’s what most people think. We spend our days dreaming about being with someone for the rest of our lives. But when it becomes difficult to find an incredible relationship, we often think that we’ll stay single for the rest of our lives.

If you’re anything like my past-self, that’s something which has kept you awake at night. You know that if given a chance, you’d be an amazing partner. But for one reason or another, you don’t know how to change your luck while looking for love.

It sucks.

Over the past few years, I’ve found myself in the same position as you many times. But I’ve discovered that giving up bad habits while dating is equally important as implementing new ones. In the words of Abdul Kalam:

“You cannot change your future, but you can change your habits, and surely your habits will change your future.”

So if you want to improve your chances of finding a relationship, below are several bad habits that you need to give up. Each of these insights improved my dating life, and I’m sure they will do the same for you, too.

1. Thinking You’re Not Good Enough.

Every single person on the planet has flaws and imperfections. It’s normal. But as you know, problems arise when we compare ourselves to others.Consequently, we think we’re not pretty, happy, or anything else that society says we need to be.

I understand how you feel. I know what it feels like to think you’ll never find someone who genuinely appreciates you for who you are. But if you spend the next few years merely wishing for your dating life to be different, the truth is that nothing will ever change.

A better solution is to accept that you’re not perfect, so you can focus on finding someone who genuinely wants to be with you for the rest of their life.

Because when you become proactive in your search to find love, you’ll quickly discover that dating is much easier than you previously thought. As the Roman philosopher, Seneca once said:

“It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that they are difficult.”

So instead of worrying about everything you can’t change, I’ve found that it’s much easier to focus on what you can. For example, you can’t control what others do or say. But no matter what, you can always be your authentic self, and spend more time with people who love you for who you are.

That’s all that matters.

2. Looking Back At The Past.

If you’re always looking back at the past, you’re not focusing on what you can do to create a better future. So if you want to improve your chances of finding a relationship, living in the present moment is an excellent way to start. Epictetus said it best:

“He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.”

For the longest time, I had a bad habit of thinking about previous relationships whenever I couldn’t sleep at night. For example, I missed late-night conversations and often scrolled through previous texts wishing things could go back to how they used to be.

I’m sure that you’ve experienced something similar. Because if you’re anything like me, you want to live a happy life. However, when I started being grateful for the present moment, I naturally spent much less time thinking about the past.

It’s important to stop wishing for things to be different. Because all of your previous choices have led you to this very moment, and likewise, how you act right now will determine the rest of your future.

So if you want to improve your dating life, you need to accept what’s already happened, move on, and focus on creating the future you desire. In the words of Steve Maraboli:

“Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.”

3. Not Putting Any Effort Into Relationships.

I’ve found that a lack of effort is one of the main reasons people struggle to find love. Because if you’re not willing to put any time into starting a relationship, the other person has no reason to reciprocate.

For example, if someone always has to text you first, they’ll probably feel frustrated, as it’ll be an extremely one-sided relationship.

So over the past few months, I’ve made a bigger effort to text people first and create more time in my schedule for long conversations. Because when you care about others and make time for them, they’re much more likely to do the same.

I’ve found that making an effort in your relationships is a great way to improve your dating life if you want to find love. Like the Roman emperor, Marcus Aurelius once said:

Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.”

So every day, ask yourself, “What actions can I take right now to eliminate my bad habits, and improve the quality of my relationships?”

Do that, and you’ll discover that every aspect of your dating life will quickly change for the better.

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