Three Reasons Why You’re Still Single

Matt Lillywhite

Eliminate these bad habits if you want to fall in love.

Photo by Andrey Zvyagintsev on Unsplash

It’s incredibly difficult to find someone to love.

At least, that’s what I used to think. If you’re anything like my past self, you regularly dream about falling in love with your ideal partner. But for one reason or another, you can’t seem to figure out why nobody wants to be in a relationship with you.

I know exactly how you feel. For the longest time, I struggled to identify the reasons why I was single. The truth is that my dating habits were preventing me from being in a healthy relationship.

However, when I started behaving in a way that my ideal partner would find attractive, every aspect of my dating life exponentially improved.

So if you want to fall in love, here are several bad habits that you need to eliminate. Each of these insights changed my life for the better. I’m sure they will do the same for you, too.

1. You Have No Idea What You Want.

“If one does not know to which port one is sailing, no wind is favorable.” — Seneca

When you don’t have a clear vision of your ideal relationship, you’ll just be running around in circles and never making any progress. Why? Because you won’t be able to implement the necessary steps to improve your dating life and create the future you desire.

So if you want to massively improve your chances of finding someone to love, writing a list of ideal characteristics is certainly a great place to start.For example, you might want your spouse to be empathetic, honest, and have a great sense of humor.

Identify what you want from a relationship. Gain clarity on the type of future you want to have with your ideal partner. Do you want to raise a family together? Would you prefer to live in a massive city or a rural town?

This simple strategy quickly enabled me to go on many dates that weren’t a complete disaster. And of course, you can do the same. Because once you identify the type of people who aren’t compatible, you can focus your time & energy solely on the people that are.

2. You Have Extremely Low Self-Esteem.

“It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinionthan our own.” — Marcus Aurelius

For many years, I thought I wasn’t good enough. I let other people’s opinions get to me and make me believe it was impossible to find someone that would accept me for who I am.

That’s what happens when people have low self-esteem. They don’t believe they’re cute, funny, or any other characteristics that their ideal partner may desire.

It sucks. But a great truth of life is that you can’t please everyone. So when I stopped worrying about the opinions of people that didn’t like me, it was much easier to spend more time with people that did.

If you want to improve your confidence, spend more time with people that make you happy, as they’ll have an extremely positive effect on every aspect of your personality. The Greek Philosopher, Epictetus, said it best:

“The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best.”

It’s important to remember that your level of self-esteem isn’t going to go from zero to one hundred overnight. That’s unrealistic. But once you take steps towards becoming more confident each day, your dating life will quickly improve for the better.

3. You Refuse To Meet New People.

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” — Dale Carnegie

I’ve discovered that refusing to put myself in social situations was one of the biggest reasons why I struggled to find a relationship. The truth is that I never went to events or parties, as I was scared that other people would judge me for the insecurities I saw in myself.

However, I’ve started to change my habits over the past few years. Because when you go to places that your ideal partner might be, the probability of meeting someone compatible exponentially increases. For example, if you enjoy reading books, consider talking to people at the library, as they’re likely to share similar interests.

If you struggle to maintain a conversation, consider asking some open-ended questions about the other person. After all, it’s no secret that most people enjoy talking about themselves more than other people.

Embrace the opportunity to make new friends, have engaging conversations, and potentially find your ideal partner. Because when you take a genuine interest in other people’s lives, they’ll naturally want to reciprocate and ask about you. Seneca said it best:

“One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood.”

So every day, ask yourself: “What actions can I take right now to eliminate the bad habits that keep me single?”

Do that, and every aspect of your dating life will quickly improve for the better.

Starting now.

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