Four Questions That Will Improve Your Relationship

Matt Lillywhite

A practical guide to creating emotional intimacy with your partner.

Photo by Giorgio Trovato on Unsplash

Without even knowing you, I can tell that you want to improve your relationship and become more emotionally intimate with your partner.

Perhaps you’re getting into frequent arguments, and want to prevent any conflicts from destroying your relationship. Or maybe, you know that your love isn’t as strong as it could be, and are curious about how you can improve your future together as a couple.

You’ve read loads of articles, watched thousands of videos, and are kept awake by the thought of not being good enough. You know that something in your relationship needs to change. But the problem is that you don’t know where to start.

Listen, I’m not going to judge you. After all, I’ve found myself in the same position as you many times. But I’ve discovered that the best way to improve your relationship is by asking questions that encourage better communication about each other’s desires. In the words of Lou Holtz:

“I never learn anything talking. I only learn things when I ask questions.”

So below are several questions that will help you to strengthen your relationship. Each of them helped me to become more emotionally intimate with my partner, and massively improved every aspect of our relationship for the better. I’m sure they will do the same for you, too.

What Is It About Our Relationship That Makes You Happy?

Perhaps they enjoy late-night conversations, long cuddles after a movie, or intimate moments together in the bedroom. There’s something about you that made your partner fall in love. So with over 7.5 billion people in the world, you must be doing something right for them to be with you.

I’m sure there’s something about you which makes them happy. When they look into your eyes, they can’t help but smile as you remind them of how lucky they are to have such an incredible partner.

So you just need to find what they love about your relationship, and then do more of that.

I’ll give you an example. One of my favorite things is waking up to my partner next to me in bed. I love seeing her beautiful smile as the sun shines through the window, and glistens in her eyes.

I also enjoy having someone with me during times of adversity. But likewise, I know that at any given moment, I’m prepared to support them unconditionally whenever they need my help.

Maybe you’re like me. You want to find out what makes your partner happy so that you can do more of it every single day. But until you ask them this question, you’ll never know for sure.

If they don’t have a specific answer, that’s okay. It’s possible they just enjoy being in your presence each day. And if that’s the case, great. I’m happy for you. But if you never ask what makes them happy in your relationship, the truth is that you’ll never have an answer. You’ll just be guessing.

So when you get a moment to yourselves, look into their eyes, smile, and ask the question.

It’s as simple as that.

What Can I Help You With Right Now?

They want you to do the dishes. They’d like you to cook dinner. They’re asking you to get some maple syrup from the grocery store because you’re making pancakes for dessert. Yum.

Love isn’t just about going on a first date, getting married, and living happily ever after. Instead, it’s showing to your partner that you’re willing to help them, and do whatever it takes to make them a little happier each day.

For example, I always try to make my partner less stressed by asking how I can help, so they don’t feel burdened by the pressure of housework & chores. Similarly, she will always make sure I have everything I need to remain productive while writing. As a result of this strategy, the quality of our relationship has exponentially improved.

I’ve learned that poor communication is never an excellent characteristic to have in a relationship. So whenever you get a chance, make sure that you’re doing everything possible to make your partner happy each day.

Because although going out of your way to help them will only take a few minutes, the effect it’ll have on your relationship is profound.

When You Think About The Future, What Do You Imagine?

One thing I’ve noticed is how excited people get when they imagine what the next few years may hold. Because even if things aren’t great right now, looking forward to the future provides an opportunity to create a much happier life.

When you ask your partner this question, they’ll probably speak of beautiful vacations, raising a family, and various other things that couples dream about doing together.

So if you’re looking to improve your relationship, I’m sure you’ll agree that this is a great place to start. Because when they tell you exactly what they want, it’s easy to identify what you can do to make it happen.

For example, let’s say that your partner has always wanted to visit Hawaii. Of course, you should have a great conversation about how beautiful it would be to walk along the beach as a beautiful sunset hovers over the horizon. Who wouldn’t enjoy that?

But instead of just merely hoping for it to come true, you could research how much the vacation would cost, and the type of activities that you’d like to do together. Then, it’s just a simple case of allocating a percentage of your household income to make it a reality.

If you can’t allocate 10 percent, try five. Or if you’re unable to do that, try 1%. The number isn’t important. Because what matters is that you have a common goal to work towards, so you can look forward to an incredibly prosperous relationship together in the future.

What’s The Best Way For Me To Show I Love You?

Long cuddles in bed, expensive gifts, and long walks down the beach are just a few ways to show love to your partner. But if they have a specific preference, doing that more frequently is undoubtedly a great way to improve the quality of your relationship.

For example, my partner doesn’t care about purchasing expensive clothes or accessories. But like me, she has a massive passion for traveling the world. So whenever I get a chance, it’s great to buy a spontaneous plane ticket and visit a new country together. She loves it.

So take a moment to ask your partner the best way to express your love to them. And when they’ve finished answering, give a response to let them know your preference.

Where you go, what you do, or how much money you spend on each other isn’t necessarily important. Because when you’re together, the only thing that matters is your ability to express love in a meaningful way. As Gary Chapman writes in his book, The 5 Love Languages:

“Quality time does not mean that we have to spend our together moments gazing into each other’s eyes. It means that we are doing something together and that we are giving our full attention to the other person.”

That’s all you need to do. Ask your partner a few meaningful questions, and then figure out how to use their answers to improve your relationship.

It’s that simple.

You don’t need to read dozens of articles, watch hundreds of self-help videos on YouTube, or anything else that many other people advocate. Sure, it may help. But it’s making the process of strengthening your relationship a lot harder than it needs to be.

Have a conversation with your partner right now. Because when you know how to communicate & listen to what they have to say, you’ll discover that it’s incredibly easy to improve every aspect of your relationship. So what are you waiting for?

You’ve got this.

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