*This is a work of nonfiction based on actual events as told to me by a friend who experienced them firsthand; used with permission.
My old friend Patty had some of the wackiest stories I have ever heard from a person, stories that I can’t wait to tell. There was the time she was bamboozled into joining the Scientologists, that’s a great one. Then there was the time her ex-husband set her car on fire when she started dating someone new, but that’s not what I’m going to be telling you about today.
Today you get to hear the story of how Patty ran herself over with her own car.
Patty lived in a rather crappy neighborhood that wasn’t safe for women to walk in. She didn’t even feel safe walking her dogs on her own street, but she couldn’t take them to the dog park because her dogs don’t play well with others.
So, sometimes in the evenings Patty would do something that many people frown upon and in most places is banned - she takes her dogs for walks in the big cemetery in town.
Patty told me that she has the same routine every time she goes there. She parks her Jeep at the top of a hill (to force herself to walk hills as part of her exercise) and then walks the perimeter of the cemetery with her dogs. She cleans up after them of course, she isn’t a monster, but still, it’s frowned upon.
The good thing is, when she goes in the evenings there aren’t usually a lot of people around, and most times she has the cemetery all to herself. This was actually a very bad thing the night this incident happened.
On this particular evening Patty got her dogs on leashes and hopped out of the Jeep. She’d only taken a few steps when she realized her Jeep had started rolling and was headed toward the hill.
In an attempt to jump back in the Jeep, she grabbed on to rear view mirror and got too close and the Jeep was moving too quickly - the front wheel rolled over the top of Patty’s foot and she fell to the ground, thankfully avoiding the back wheel.
Patty writhed on the ground while her Jeep rolled down the hill and came to a stop just before hitting some headstones.
Luckily, Patty had her phone in her pocket. Embarrassed, she called her sister to come to the cemetery and pick her up to take her to the hospital as there was no way she could walk on her crushed foot.
“And bring a friend to drive my Jeep and the dogs home!” She told her sister, always thinking ahead.
Patty had many surgeries to get her foot prepared, but it still didn’t stop her - or me - from laughing ourselves to tears every time she tells that story.