Mother wants grown daughter to have an abortion, breaks family apart

Mary Duncan

*This is a work of nonfiction based on actual events I experienced firsthand; used with permission.*

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Photo by Colin Maynard on Unsplash

When I was twelve my parents had another baby, my half sister, Grace, and it upended my life in ways I never thought it would.

I had been an only child my whole life and suddenly I was sharing the attention and affection of my parents with an infant and I must admit, sadly and embarrassingly, that I was resentful of it then, and still am sometimes now.

After Grace was born, in my youth, I swore to everyone who asked me that I didn’t want to have kids and I would never have a baby. Growing up in the same house as Grace showed me exactly what it was like to have a baby and I didn’t think it was for me. I didn’t think it would make me happy, I didn’t think it was what would fulfill me in life.

Turns out though, things happen, things change, people change.


When I was twenty-three I found myself pregnant unexpectedly, and even though I had always said I didn’t want to have kids, at that point in time I just knew I couldn’t have an abortion. Since I was abandoned by my biological father, I thought adoption was out of the question, too. I would never do that to a child of mine, make them think for their entire lives that they weren’t wanted.

So, I decided to have the baby. I was in a relationship at the time, although it was new and rocky, and I had a good job so thought I would be able to support myself and my child.

My mother on the other hand disagreed. When I told her I was pregnant her immediate reaction was:

“It’s okay, we’ll take care of it.”

We’ll take care of it as in, if you need the money and ride I’ll help you get an abortion, because I don’t want you having this baby.

This caused a huge fight. I was an adult, it wasn’t her choice, and it was awfully rude and hurtful for her to share that opinion I think, let alone suggest I act on it.

My dad disagreed with her, which caused them to have a fight and not speak for days, and I certainly did not talk to my mother for months as my pregnancy progressed. To make things even worse, my grandparents also took my mom’s side of things and agreed that I would “ruin my life” if I had this baby.

It was hard to be estranged from my mother during my pregnancy, a time when I felt like I needed her support and guidance the most.

Luckily, my father kept being supportive of me behind her back, and then eventually made her come around to the thought of being a grandmother and having a new child in the family to dote on. He was very excited about my daughter’s impending arrival.

My mom wanting me to get an abortion was none of her business, and it tore our family apart for a while when I really needed them, and hurt our relationship for a long time.

Would you have been able to forgive your mom?

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I write about relationships and parenting, life, society, people, and sometimes also beer.

Connecticut State
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