The Price of Someday

Martin Kupper
Looking Toward Someday...Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash

I often find myself having a conversation with that “little voice” in my head. You know that voice… the one that incessantly chatters away from when we rise until our heads hit the pillow at night.[1]

It’s the voice that seems to be judging and assessing everything and everyone we come in contact with on a daily basis. It’s the auto pilot that tells us good from bad, right from wrong, up versus down, and left or right.

Listening more closely, the voice carries years of preconceived notions and pronouncements that can often border on prejudice and the inability to see the situation, person, people, and/or experience from an objective and impartial viewpoint.

Here’s the big secret not often revealed and contrary to what we may think… that not so little “voice” is not typically an advocate for our highest and best self.

The real danger that our voice sets up is the one of “I Know” that completely blocks off and shuts down any opportunity of being open to new thoughts and ideas. Learning and knowledge come from a place of curiosity and acknowledging that “I don’t know.”

One of my favorite “aha” breakthroughs in personal development occurred many years ago during a Landmark Education course.[2] The exercise is one of the most powerful tools that reinforced the distinction of… HAVE, DO, BE vs. BE, DO, HAVE

Many of us, myself included, struggle with “externalizing” our happiness. It shows up most notably with the belief that something we obtain outside of us will generate internal happiness.

With Have, Do, Be the premise goes like this… Once I “have” the right (fill in the blank… Job, Relationship, Car, House, etc., then I’ll be “doing” everything I’ve always wanted to do, and thereby “be” the person I’ve always dreamed of being. The challenge when living into this external paradigm is that no external source can bring long term happiness.

We hear time and again that happiness is an internally generated feeling when we are in alignment with our thoughts and emotions. This requires a level of self-mastery that requires the disassociation with chasing after external elements that provide the illusion of happiness.

So here’s one secret in the Have, Do, Be paradigm. Simply flip Have, Do, Be around to Be, Do, Have. It’s the way to regain dominion of our lives by owning our choices instead of allowing external circumstances to run our lives and be in control.

The first step is to truly understand “who” I desire to BE. Once I know this critical piece, I can create “choices” of what I can DO in tangible actions both verbally through declaration and in corresponding actions. When words and actions are aligned, I HAVE demonstratable results that produce my desired outcomes whether personally, professionally or both. This is the internalization of how one manifests not only happiness, but to actualize all intentions.

Even as a certified professional coach, I’m still challenged with ‘walking my talk’ versus the far easier ‘talking my talk’ especially when my ‘buttons’ are being pushed. I’m consistently reminded that even with all my knowledge and training, the art of living an inspired life requires not only full self-expression but the ability to implement and integrate said knowledge and training into daily life, especially when the proverbial shit has hit the fan.

Dr. Brené Brown in her book, Daring Greatly, describes that courage to live the life of our dreams is in direct correlation to how vulnerable we’re able to be. The book derives its title from a quote by Theodore Roosevelt…

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” [3]

I’ve found myself during challenging moments, whether personal or professional, that I can self-medicate myself through the illusion of words. That ‘little voice’ will remind me that although the present moment may have pitfalls, it’s certainly better than it used to be and that “someday” everything will fall into place. The challenge with someday is that it simply never comes. It’s a never ending road where procrastination and fear seize the day and win every time. And then, someday you’re dead.

If you are truly interested in being the best version of yourself, take Dr. Brown’s advice and Dare Greatly to be inspired in having the courage to be vulnerable to yourself and those around you. Be the person you know in your heart that you are with intentions that propel you forward not backward. Do those actions regardless of how small that personify ‘who’ you are at your core. You will then taste victory in manifesting the personal and professional desires you’ve intended. And if you fall just short, remember it’s better to aim high and miss than to aim low and make it!

Choose Powerfully.

[1] Already Always Listening. The Landmark Forum.

[2] Be Do Have. Landmark Education, The Advance Course.

[3] Daring Greatly. Dr. Brene Brown. 2018.

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Martin is a certified business coach and Co-Founder of Surprise Date Challenge that provides individuals and couples with the tools to create and enhance connection, romance, love, and fun in their personal relationships.

Phoenix, AZ

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