The Road to True Love Is Often a Lifelong Quest

Marilyn Regan

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Photo by Farrinni on Unsplash

Love is that one thing we all crave.

It’s that thing one thing some will die for, if it doesn’t kill them first.

It makes the world go ‘round. It’s a drug and Lord of all. It hurts so bad that when it ends, we swear it’s the last time. We’re done. But then we see that face, or smile, and think, “okay, just one more time.”

And we set ourselves up for the next time.

It reminds me of giving birth. The labor pains hit, you writhe in agony. For hours.

The first time, you have no idea and realize it’s not what you signed up for. You swear you'll never do it again. And I stuck with that decision.

You are in awe of the process and love that child, but once is enough. Who would choose to do this to themselves again?

Then time goes by and you find yourself “planning” to have another child.

Time has a way of doing that when it comes to romantic love as well. For many of us anyway.

Jaded Headlines

I am struck by the titles on romantic encounters. None are good. Some are downright frightening.

One person showed up for a date only to find the date with someone else. And when she let them know she was there, he took another half-hour to end it.

Some turn out to be married or in another relationship.

Others end in marriages that turn out to be scams.

Some of these relationships begin with contacting someone on a dating page. Or they signed up and that person contacts you, with great interest. You meet, and their true nature unravels.

They are lonely. Needy. Or selfish. Or looking for someone to take care of them. Oftentimes they talk about themselves ad nauseam.

And you think back to their profile.

What happened to that person who loves the outdoors, music, art, animals, and is active in their community?” The answer is nothing happened to them.

They never existed.

Next. That’s if you feel the need to continue in your quest.

My Perspective

I will never write an article on my bad experiences searching for love, for that perfect one.

You will never see heart-rendering accounts of how I was stood-up. How stupid I felt for not seeing him for the selfish misogynist he was, only interested in one thing.

I’ll let you guess what that is.

Why? Because I’m done trying.

I gave up on finding the right one a long time ago. Sure, there is a small percentage who have found that “one” after many failures. They had to kiss a lot of frogs and admitted it was a full-time job. I just don’t have the time or patience.

These fortunate few will say that it took them years. In the end, they found someone.

I know there are nice men, nice people of all different preferences out there, because I have two happily married sisters and some happily married friends.

They’ve been committed to one another for years. They’ve built a life and shared memories. Lived through sickness and tough times. Raised children and dogs and cats. Cared for aging in-laws.

They are proof that it is possible.

Slim Pickings

It sometimes appears that all the good ones are taken, that you’re looking through the scrap pile, like the menial labor employment opportunities in the help wanted ads.

These people are alone for a reason.

Is this why many cannot find that one stable relationship that will last the rest of their lives? Why do they have so many false starts and horrible experiences?

Because people have needs and like everything, they advertise them. They’ll do whatever it takes, say whatever they need to say, to get what they need.

The needs of the unstable and narcissistic are ravenous. And the open-hearted looking for a normal relationship fall prey to these needs. Maybe it’s only briefly, even one date. But it leaves kind-hearted, normally functioning souls feeling drained and despondent.

Still, they keep trying.

It’s like opting to have one more kid, knowing what it will entail, and not knowing the final outcome.

Keep Trying

To those of you with resilience, I say, don’t give up.

I also say I don’t know how or why you continue, but I applaud and admire you.

You are the ones that might just get a chance to know what it’s like to experience the best meaning of “love makes the world go-'round.”

There are stories of great love and finding that one person takes great effort. Things that come easily, including people, are often not with keeping.

And those people or things that come with difficulty are often worth every bit of effort.

They make you forget all the frogs, gremlins, and monsters you had to kiss to find them. The story of your struggle stops, and you get to rest in the arms of someone who love you.

Congratulations if you’ve found someone. If you’re still trying, I wish you success.

Without the mess.

Photo: Farrinni on Unsplash

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Marilyn is a writer, yogi, spiritual medium and animal lover. She is a Bostonian in every sense and has the accent to prove it. She loves the ocean, the outdoors, wine, and sleeping in. She days what she means and doesn't waste words. Finally, she is mother to one son, two cats and has three grandchildren.

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