We're All Halves When it Comes to Love

Marilyn Regan

https://img.particlenews.com/image.php?url=4MBhlU_0Xwp9axF00 Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

I had a shitty marriage that lasted six years. Three of those years were good.

I left before the divorce had even started because it was apparent he didn’t want me. Didn’t want us but didn’t have the courage to end it. He barely supported his newborn son and often did not come home at night.

I had not found my perfect, or even better, half.

Once the divorce was final, I concentrated on raising my son. I’d been a single parent from the day he was born, so that part wasn’t new. What was new is that crazy little thing called dating.

I abhorred it.

The pictures men posted were over ten years old, and instead of a blond, brunette, or redhead, I’d come face-to-face with a gray-haired man. I didn’t mind the gray. But I did mind the deception.

Some were not even legally separated; in other words, still married. Hello, did I not say single? I’d just left this situation. Give me a break! After a few months, I was done.

For the time being. I repeated this pattern off and on for the next ten years and decided to hang it up. Men were only good for one thing. And I didn’t need to date or make any sort of commitment to get it.

As the years went on, I noticed that many single, young, attractive friends were in the same boat as I was. Not, not married, but not even dating. No prospect of a perfect half in sight. They said it was better to be alone and miserable than in a relationship and miserable.

I hear you. But there are good guys out there.

The Haves Have It All

By the “haves,” I am talking about those lucky women who have found a wonderful man.

I’ve seen it. I know it exists. These are guys who you enjoy having a conversation with. And when a guy can pass the girlfriend test, he’s passed one hell of an examination. Then the time test kicks in. If they last and your friends and family like them, you’ve found a winner.

These guys seem to have it all. Their looks grow on you. They have brains, a decent job, a good sense-of-humor, and are charming at all the right times.

“Where did you find him?” you ask.

They didn’t. The guy found them.

They, the woman, wrote their fantasy man into the requirements. It was all or nothing. No compromise. What did they have to lose by doing that? Either someone would answer, or they would not.

Putting it all out there may turn off 95 percent of the guys. But that’s the idea. You’re eliminating and looking for that special one.

One is all you want.

And when someone replies, you’ve found someone you can work with.

Be a Spiller

To find the man or woman you want, you’ve got to be a spiller. Just like the writer archetype, a spiller is someone who has no filter when it comes to saying what they want.

And I mean no only what you want, but what the other person is getting. All of it. Good and bad. You’ve got to be honest or the relationship is built on a lie. Like my marriage.

And deception leads to ruin.

Envision that perfect someone. Write it all out. Say everything you want.

Everything.

You may find that they hit the marks on some essential stuff, but are not 100 percent in others. Think of it as writing a job posting. They’ve got what counts to do the job and the other relatively minor stuff you’ll compromise on.

Remember, this is a two-way street, and they’re going to have to compromise, too.

I want someone who can find humor in frustrating situations, maybe not at the moment it happens, but in circumspect. I want someone with some gray matter between their ears, a warm smile.

I need someone who loves animals and can put up with my cats. They are friendly once they get to know you, but yes, they’ll let you know when you’ve pissed them off.

I want someone who likes art, music, or books.

I want someone who can hear me out, agree to disagree, and not hold a grudge.

Spill it. What are your imperfections?

Perfect Imperfections

My imperfections are perfect. And a pain in the ass.

I’m going to be honest. There’s a lot a guy would have to put up with if he is brave enough to commit. Or even go on a few dates.

For one thing, if we’re driving and we get into traffic, I almost, notice I said almost, have a panic attack. I don’t understand why. It’s not necessarily that I’m going to be late. It’s just something about traffic.

Maybe it’s a past life thing.

And I drive like a Bostonian. You know, a Masshole. So if I’m driving, we might end up turning around and driving in the wrong direction.

I tend to lose things. I mean, I can be brushing my hair and suddenly can’t find the brush. This would be fine if I could laugh it off. But I can’t. I go into a frenzy and have a bit of a tantrum. I eventually find what I’m looking for, but not without working up a sweat.

I have trouble not giving someone my honest opinion when they ask a question. If you want to know what I think, ask me. I’m not into little white lies. I don’t say things to be mean, and I’ll say it carefully, but I will say it honestly.

Sometimes I get so excited when someone is telling me something that I interrupt. I’m working on this as it’s better to let others have their say. That’s why they’re talking, after all. They don’t want to listen to me. Not at that moment.

I love animals. And the ocean. And sleeping in.

I have a Monty Pythonish sense-of-course. Yes, a little darkness never hurt anyone.

And what would life be without a little sarcasm?

It’s Almost Perfect

So what can you take about me, and what would make you cross me off your list?

You might prefer not to drive with me or to keep some of my snarky sarcasm to myself. But if you can take my sense-of-humor and put up with the other stuff, it might work.

I’m not good at politics. So if you need someone diplomatic, keep moving.

If you’re not into art but like music or books or something artsy we can share, that’s a plus.

What is the one thing that you can’t compromise on? If you don’t like to read and talk and are not open to different points-of-view, that might be a deal-breaker.

I love movies, but I can’t stare at the television for hours. And it only goes on after 7:00 pm.

Epilogue

Perfect isn’t always about someone having everything you want. It’s about having that one thing that’s non-negotiable. But you need to decide.

There’s the important stuff, and the other stuff is the icing on the cake.

Perfect is not perfect, but it’s perfect for you. It’s having someone who has that one thing you can’t live without.

In the end, hopefully, it’s you.

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Marilyn is a writer, yogi, spiritual medium and animal lover. She is a Bostonian in every sense and has the accent to prove it. She loves the ocean, the outdoors, wine, and sleeping in. She days what she means and doesn't waste words. Finally, she is mother to one son, two cats and has three grandchildren.

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