Did They Ghost You? Thank Them.

Malinda Fusco

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My best friend complained that her crush ghosted her. My advice? Their loss. Forget about them. No — better: thank them.

To everyone who’s felt the bitter sting of being ghosted, don’t ask yourself why. Instead, say thank you.

In fact, thank everyone who has ever ghosted you. No, don’t text them or call them. They don’t want to talk, otherwise, they wouldn’t have ghosted you to begin with, right? However, mentally give thanks that they did ghost you. Then move on. In that order. Trust me, you’ll be happier and better off.

“Why should I thank them? Ghosting’s rude!” my best friend whined when I told her my advice.

She’s right. It is rude, and that’s exactly my point. If this person that you like, that you invested time and emotion and energy into just disappeared without a word…that is rude. If they didn’t have the decency to at least cut ties, then can you imagine what they’re like in any sort of a relationship? Can you imagine how unreliable they would be?

They’re those flaky friends. Those lovers that come only when convenient and go far too quickly. Those people who don’t return a call or even a text for days because “life happened." You know the type.

Look, the bottom line is that no one owes anyone anything. Ever. But I’ve never ghosted anyone. Not a friend, a family member, or a lover. To me? It’s impolite. And it breaks the golden rule: treat others how you want to be treated. I sure don't want to be ghosted, so I don't ghost others.

If you’ve done something to make me angry or annoyed? I tell you. If I don’t want to see you anymore? I tell you. If I’m too busy to chat for an hour and catch up? I tell you. Usually through a text in that situation, but still. I communicate. I don't ignore the person.

If someone ghosts you, they just did you a huge favor. You see, you just got a glimpse at the real them and their priorities. Sadly, you aren't one of their priorities but they showed you that through ghosting.

Don’t give your time and effort and energy and emotions to people who won’t make an effort with you. It doesn’t matter how hot they are, how funny they are, or how much money they make. If they ghost you once and come back, they will ghost you again.

Ghosting is a repeat offense.

I once had a friend who would stick around when she wanted someone to lean on, or chat with. We would laugh and hang out and have a wonderful time together. However, she had a habit of disappearing for days, weeks even, without even letting me know why. She wouldn't send a single text, and often I worried about her, only to have her message me weeks later to say she had been busy with this or that, but we should get lunch! And then the cycle would continue. We'd grow closer, hang out, and then I would be ghosted once more. Until, one day, I stopped letting her repeatedly ghost me. I made the choice not to be friends. Sadly, this happens in romantic relationships all the time too.

You deserve someone who will be consistent, loving, and put effort into your relationship. If they like you, they will put the effort in. I’ve seen people pulling 80-hour workweeks still make time for relationships and spouses. People put effort into what they find valuable.

If someone ghosts you the second it’s not convenient to maintain a relationship, then forget them. There are nearly eight billion people on this planet. Don’t ask why it happened. Instead, thank them and move on.

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