Do They Want to Be Friends or More?

Malinda Fusco

Photo by djile Adobe Stock

If you’ve ever been to a Chick-fil-a, you know that the staff is pretty much paid to be super nice and smiley.

Yet, after ordering my food, making small talk with the cashier, and then stepping aside, my sister grabbed my arm and whispered, “Oh my gosh, Malinda! She was totally flirting with you.”

Firstly, both me and the cashier were women. Even though society is getting closer to women shamelessly flirting with each other being “normal,” I was always confused between what’s pure friendliness or flirty.

Still, as I looked back at the cashier, who was now beaming at the next guest, I said, “Rae, they’re just paid to be friendly…”

Unfortunately, the lines between pure friendliness and flirtiness are blurry at best. But here are some surefire ways to tell if someone is into you, regardless of gender.

1. They make *prolonged* eye contact.

The eyes are the windows to the soul, and if they want to be more than friends, chances are they are trying to get a deeper glance into your soul.

Prolonged eye contact, aka “flirtatious” eye contact lasts longer than a quick glance and sometimes features lowered eyelids (that sultry bedroom eyes look, you know the one).

2. They turn their body towards you.

The majority of experts agree that over 70% of communication is nonverbal. One huge nonverbal cue of romantic interest is body orientation.

We’ve talked about the eyes already, but let’s take a look at the feet. Where are they pointed? Or, if they’re sitting, where are their knees pointed? Towards you means you have their attention and they could be interested.

“If their knees are pointed in your direction under the table, then they are interested,” says relationship coach, Susan Golicic. “Their body is giving you their attention even if their brain is having trouble engaging because of nervousness.”

3. They find a way to touch you.

When someone’s into you, they’ll often look for opportunities to make contact. These touches can be “accidental” (yeah right) and are a major giveaway.

Little arm grazes? Shoulder pats? A lingering handshake or hug? Be on the lookout for these signs.

It’s worth noting that some people are naturally a bit more touchy-feely. If you suspect this is the case, look at how they act with others and compare it to how they act with you. If they appear to touch you more, then they are likely flirting.

4. They ignore their phone.

Phones have become our lives. Social media, online shopping, emails, all at the touch of a button. Our phones demand attention, and studies show that most people are addicted to them.

If the person in question is quick to pocket their phone when you’re speaking, it can be a sign that they’re into you. Not only are they engaged with what you’re saying, but they value your time over the constant notifications of the online world. If they’re flirting, chances are they have their virtual world on pause.

5. They ask in-depth questions.

Small talk is common in workplaces, friend groups, and family gatherings. But when you meet someone that takes an interest in getting to know you deeply, it could be because they’re romantically interested and are trying to assess if you’re a good match.

Flirty conversation has an agenda. Friendly conversation doesn’t.

6. They compliment you a lot.

Everyone loves compliments, right? That’s because they activate the reward area of our brain, as most praise will. It makes sense that if you want someone to like you, you’ll compliment them.

This has to be taken in context with everything else, but if someone is offering frequent compliments it could indicate they want to take your relationship past simple friendship.

7. They mention they’re single.

The biggest indicator of all is if they find a way to insert their singledom into the conversation.

Context is key here, but most people do not go around announcing their relationship status unless they think someone else may be interested in knowing it. Think about it.

When people feel as if they’re being hit on, they may slide their significant other into the conversation.

The same goes for people who may be more welcoming of advances by mentioning a recent break-up or that they’re single.

So, are they into you?

Attraction can be hard to spot between anyone. But these tips are gender-neutral and can be looked at across the spectrum as they apply to most people. Again, flirting and friendliness can look an awful lot alike. So, ask yourself if the person in question is exhibiting these seven signs.

If the answer is yes to most of them, then chances are they’re more flirty than friendly.

But if the answer is no to most of them, then chances are they’re just being nice because they work at Chick-fil-a…and you definitely should not ask for their number. Trust me, it probably won’t go well.

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