My boring marriage made me think about what I really want out of life

M. Brown

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**This is a work of nonfiction based on actual events that I have experienced firsthand; used with permission.

Within the carefully cultivated walls of my marriage on any given day, there are many things left unsaid, undone, and blatantly disheveled.

Beyond the inevitable sharp edges of irritation that come with maintaining a relationship, earning money, raising a family, and all of the banal chores in between that keep the hamster wheel of running a functional household going, there are those seemingly boring things that miraculously hold all of the dangling pieces together.

I say seemingly boring because that’s how things can appear to be. It’s what these things — these moments — these joys — often disguise themselves as.

The act of collapsing into bed together when we know we’re both too tired for sex but we’re both totally into watching just one more episode of a show we love — even though one of us is bound to fall asleep — is what I absolutely love.

I love doing this thing with my husband. This boring, uneventful thing. This thing that I would miss terribly if I didn’t have it.

Even the persistent interruptions of our time doing this by our younger child is really a hidden joy. Although we have to keep pausing our show every time she bursts into our room and jumps onto our bed — the reason she’s there is that she’s made us both pictures — carefully crafted gifts displaying her unconditional love for us.

This is the stuff some people’s dreams are made of. This boring life. This unconditional love. This comfortability of family life. This is a chaotic harmony that’s constantly in motion.

I know I can never take it for granted and I always try to uncover the glistening gems underneath the dull-looking rocks.

I love the mundane moments with my husband as much as I am also bored by them. Yet, without these moments, my life would probably still be flailing in an aimless direction, yearning for some hopeful hint of fulfillment.

Some people don’t want a partner or children. I was one of those people. I thought the aspiration to live in a home with a partner and raise children was the most mundane thing anyone could want.

And it is. It IS boring.

But it’s also challenging. It stretches out your capacity to feel, understand, and give. It compels you to change in ways you may never have expected — and then once you’ve changed it will ask you to change again and again.

The cycles of love, relationships, marriage, and raising a family can indeed be repetitive, unexciting, and exasperating.

However, those cycles don’t happen on their own. They happen when people make the effort to find the jewels in the unglamorous things — the value in the humdrum.

I love doing the boring things with my husband — because what we have together within the life we’ve created as partners raising a family isn’t mundane at all — it’s actually a priceless treasure that many people only wish they had.

The boring things can be precious. You just need some perspective to see it.

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Host of The Pondering Stepmom Podcast. Writing about relationships, lifestyle, family & self-improvement.

California State
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