Waiting for your married lover to leave their spouse means you'll be missing out

M. Brown

Andrea Piacquadio via Pexels

**This is a work of nonfiction based on actual events that I have experienced firsthand; used with permission.

There are singles out there who prefer to date married people simply because they don’t want to have to deal with the commitment of a full-time relationship with someone. There are lots of people who actually seek this kind of relationship out.

That said, more often than not, single people who end up dating a married person find themselves in that kind of situation for other reasons that aren’t as premeditated. It could be that they didn’t know the person was married when they struck up a relationship with them — which happens when the person who is married lies about their marital status or keeps their marriage a secret.

Sometimes single people get involved with a person who is married thinking it will just be a ‘one-time thing’ or ‘nothing serious’ but then they end up falling in love with that married person and hoping for more, sometimes hanging on for years to a fantasy that somehow their married lover will leave their spouse for them.

I’ve been there. I was there for 4 years. And I’m here to tell you what could potentially happen while you wait for your married lover to leave their spouse.

You could meet someone else who really wants you

I know what it's like to fall in love with someone. I understand the heartache of missing them, wanting them, and ultimately knowing that they are married to another person.

However, while you spend days, weeks, months, or even years waiting on someone you love to decide if they're going to leave their spouse for you or not — you could be missing the chance to find a person who truly wants ALL of you ALL the time.

I can’t tell you how many potential romantic opportunities I passed up during my affair with a married man. Knowing this made me feel even more resentful when he wouldn’t call, show up, or give me the answers about our ‘future’ that I wanted.

Time marches on whether we want it to or not. Life goes on with or without us. It doesn’t stop and wait to see if we’re going to make better choices for ourselves.

For those who are waiting for a future with someone who is otherwise engaged to another partner, you might be missing out on finding a person who will not only be there for you but who will WANT to be there for you.

You could be healing from this situation

Yes, instead of waiting on someone who’s married to suddenly give up their marriage for you — which could also include children — you could break it off and actually heal. You could be healing from the lack of stability. You could be healing from the weight of the secrets. You could be healing from never knowing where a relationship is going.

When we’re caught up in the drama, intensity, and infatuation we often rationalize toxic and/or neglectful behavior in an attempt to hang on to a person whom we think we love.

It happens to the best of us, sometimes.

Instead of staying hidden within the facade of an illicit relationship with someone who isn’t giving you more — you could already be working on repairing the broken pieces of your heart.

Inevitably, this will be painful but prolonging that pain over time can be much worse in the long run.

It takes time to rebuild oneself after being in a toxic relationship — and for the most part, most affairs end up becoming toxic even if they may not have felt that way in the beginning.

I know from personal experience how much time an affair with a married lover can strip away from who you could be otherwise. The waiting, the hiding, the frustration — it all takes a toll on a person after a while.

I have learned that time waits for no one whether you think you’re in love or not. I have learned that it’s best to move on with your life beyond an affair with a married person — sooner rather than later.

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