My younger husband is a more mature partner than my older husband was

M. Brown
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**This is a work of nonfiction based on actual events that I have experienced firsthand; used with permission.

I’ve been married to a much older man and now to a man who’s younger than me.

I’ve discovered some surprising differences between the two.

Many of us might assume that an older partner may be more in certain ways — perhaps more experienced, more financially stable….just MORE in general.

However, in my own personal experience, I’ve learned that the saying — age ain’t nothing but a number — can indeed ring true in the case of relationships.

For example, my first and older husband wasn’t the breadwinner in the relationship — I was.

This circumstance in our relationship was ok with me at the time. In fact, I never thought much about it. It may have been a bit unusual in the eyes of others, I suppose, given that he was older than me.

I think that we as a society do tend to equate older men with being the financial caretakers of younger women with whom they are in a relationship.

That said, I never had this expectation of my older husband but I do understand why others might.

My current husband — who is younger than me — owns his own business. In fact — we run the business together. We started it together. We’re a team.

My first husband was indeed an older man but he couldn’t control his unruly temper nor could he seem to finish anything he started. There was no organization, no follow-through. I would be more likely to expect this kind of behavior from a younger man. But — alas — that was not the case.

My younger husband has managed to learn how to laugh at himself to some degree and has learned from many of his mistakes in life already. Though he is younger in age he is older in wisdom.

All of this is to say that you can’t necessarily judge someone based on their age alone.

We often expect that someone is going to have certain social milestones or life skills accomplished by a certain age in order to function well in the world — but that’s not always true.

The same goes for relationships. If you date or marry an older person that doesn’t necessarily guarantee that they will know how to hold your heart and your feelings with any more care or concern than someone who is younger than you by some years.

Age doesn’t guarantee loyalty and age certainly doesn’t guarantee the emotional maturity that is needed to navigate any long-term relationship.

When I married my first husband I was barely into my 20s and he was already approaching his mid-30s. I’m quite sure I had an assumption that he somehow knew more about relationships and life than I did just because he was so much older.

I was wrong.

Now that I’m in my 40s, I can tell you that I’m just now learning how to be a healthy and functional partner after many struggles.

Don’t get me wrong — age definitely plays a part in relationships. Experience does matter. But with age doesn’t come the innate ability to learn from our experiences. Some people simply make the same mistakes over and over again no matter how old they get.

The trick with relationships is that age, looks, or any other surface information about a person can truly be deceiving.

Someone who’s got more years on you, more relationships under their belt, and who says all the right things at the right time may end up being an incompatible partner for you for many reasons.

Someone who happens to be younger than you whom you didn’t think was your ‘type' might be just what you needed the whole time.

Age is indeed just a number. It’s an important one for sure — but it’s not everything.

Take it from me.

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