Opinion - Every couple should live together before marriage

M. Brown

Handiwork NYC via Unsplash

**This is a work of nonfiction based on actual events that I have experienced firsthand; used with permission.

Let me preface this by saying I totally understand that not every couple wants to get married. I am well aware and completely on board with the idea that you can have a fantastic long-term relationship without walking down that aisle.

However, I strongly believe that if you do want to get married you absolutely mustn’t even consider the idea without living with — at least for some period of time — your potential partner in marriage

This will undoubtedly save everyone a lot of time, pain, and financial cost down the road if you can get an idea of exactly what you’re getting into before you say those vows and sign those papers potentially joining lives together forever.

I have always been baffled by couples who got married without ever living together first. How can you possibly know somebody without ever living in the same space as them? It seems like an impossible aspiration to even think you could know somebody intimately well before living with them.

I’m sure there’s always the off chance that the person you’re marrying and then subsequently moving in with will be a great partner to share personal space with but it’s really an unnecessary risk.

You really do not know somebody until you live with them. Period.

The true test of assessing whether a relationship is ready for marriage is the test of living together. It is the ultimate relationship trial by fire.

You don’t know what your partner does with their dirty clothes, dirty dishes, or dirty anything around their own home. Sure, you may have spent the night at each other’s places before but generally, people tend to behave a little bit differently when they are not in their own space.

I will strongly encourage our own children to live with someone before even considering marriage or having children together. This way neither partner has the luxury of acting surprised when strange habits or idiosyncrasies reveal themselves along the course of sharing a living space together.

I believe that anyone who promotes marriage before living with someone is doing a disservice to the people they are promoting it to.

I know there are those who scoff at this idea and do not believe that a couple should share a bed before marriage. However, I think there would possibly be less divorce in the world if people really knew what they were getting into beforehand.

Maybe you agree with me and maybe you don’t, but I feel it is an undeniable fact that humans living together is an intimate and intense experience.

Living with someone changes the dynamics of a relationship. It can literally make or break a relationship.

So, if you’re out there thinking of marrying someone but you don’t live with them, I would strongly advise you to reconsider the idea of jumping into a life with someone without that parachute of prior knowledge attached.

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