Opinion - It's not possible for your partner to know everything about you

M. Brown

Jens Lindner via Unsplash

**This is a work of nonfiction based on actual events that I have experienced firsthand; used with permission.

In every relationship, there may be things we keep from our partners — whether it’s intentional or unintentional. This is not only normal but also an intriguing element of human nature.

To claim that your partner knows absolutely everything about you from head to toe or from your past before them would be quite a bold statement.

Although many of us pride ourselves on being honest, loyal, and true to our partners — it’s not realistic for a person to say they know all there is to know about their partner.

There are bound to be things a partner doesn’t know. Some things, they simply cannot know. Things that exist within the inner recesses of our mind.

My own partner isn’t privy to certain things about me. Here are a few of them:

Details from my past

I’ve been pretty open with my partner about my past relationships and dating escapades. He knows a lot. But he doesn’t know everything. Not every little detail about every single ex-partner.

I doubt that I know about everything about my partner's dating history, either.

Do we really need to know? Is it even pertinent to our relationship right now as a whole?

Not really.

If the subject comes up and my partner specifically asks me about an ex, I will answer as honestly as I can, of course.

My partner knows that I had a history before him just as I know he had a history before me — but I rarely think about it. It’s just not relevant.

Enough said.

My innermost thoughts and memories

I would say that my partner and I share a lot about ourselves with one another. However, I am an introvert and I can be quite private so oversharing with people isn’t my forte — unless I’m writing of course!

I divulge a fair amount of my thoughts and my ideas with my partner but not everything. There’s simply not enough time in the day to tell my partner everything that’s going on in my mind and there’s no need to.

My partner doesn’t need to know about every single thought that flashes through my head on a minute-to-minute basis. If some of my thoughts happen to be about an experience I had in my past without him such as a previous relationship or marriage — that’s OK. It doesn’t need to be shared unless it affects our relationship in some way.

Thoughts and memories are fluid. They flow through everyone’s mind. As long as you don’t stay in the past or allow it to affect your current relationship — it’s natural for your mind to wander through the different time zones of your life. It doesn’t mean you’re betraying your partner.

My partner and I have cultivated a solid trust between us. Thoughts or memories from the past are not a threat to that trust.

I’m sure my partner has random memories or thoughts that pop up in his head about his past — including an ex from time to time. It doesn’t mean it’s a threat to our relationship and he doesn’t need to tell me about it every time it happens.

My fears

There are fears I have that my partner has no idea about. Things that run through my mind constantly.

I worry about losing him. I worry about him dying. I worry about losing the life we’ve created.

I worry about these things because I’m so grateful for them. I cherish the life we have and not a day goes by where I don’t feel fear about losing it all.

I fear that my partner will never know exactly how much I love him and how truly grateful I am for him. I fear that I don’t express my love enough. I fear that there are things I won’t say and then it will be too late.

Many of these fears are irrational — but they all come from a place of deep gratitude.

I don’t often share these fears. I keep them inside. I am still learning how to let my pride go and share them more openly.

Love and relationships are always a divine work in progress. Sometimes things get lost in the shuffle. Things we don’t know how to share, things we never think to share, or things we purposely keep hidden.

However, despite all the things our partners may never know about us — as long as there is a deep level of trust and acceptance within a partnership — it’s OK to have a few things that only you know.

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