Lately, I have been having dreams, or rather nightmares about a time in my life when another woman, of no relation, had input on raising my children.
My sons are now in their late 20's. My ex-husband and I shared the kids (two boys) equally, each having the kids every other week. Things were going well until he got a new girlfriend and she sort of took over.
Having her in our lives was so bad that I still get upset when I think of that time. So this morning, I thought about writing her a letter. But I know that it would not result in anything positive, so I decided to write it here for all to see. Maybe a mean person will read it, realize how horrible they are, and change? LOL
Dear ex-husband's ex-girlfriend,
It's been over 12 years since we've had any communication. Yet even with those years behind me, I still have residual feelings about things that happened during that time. Women should support each other and their children (it takes a village). I don't understand why you did the things you did, especially when you were in the same situation, co-parenting with your ex-husband and his wife. Yet you still unleashed on me the very things that you hated about co-parenting yourself.
You and I did not have children together, yet you made sure that you controlled many decisions between my ex-husband and me about our children. After you came into the picture, I would get the "5-minute call back". That's where my ex-husband and I would agree to something over the phone. After hanging up, he would talk to you. You would decide whatever you wanted, usually not something positive, and my ex-husband would call me back and change his decision. One time it was about splitting the cost of expensive medicine. Do you know what would happen in cases such as that? My husband would pay for whatever the children needed.
I will never forget the evening that my youngest son called me on my ex-husbands week and asked me to take him to a school function because his dad was away on business. He said that you were unable to take him. I told him that I could, but you wouldn't let him go when he spoke to you about it. Do you have any idea what it's like to have someone who isn't even a stepparent have a say over your kids?
How about when my oldest son broke his arm playing basketball, but it was on your/ex-husband's week, and you and my ex-husband didn't take him to get an x-ray and forced him to do chores. I took him to the ER for an X-ray and cast the next day. Did you feel bad when you found out that his arm was, in fact, broken?
Do you remember when my ex-husband and I decided amicably to revise our custody agreement without obtaining lawyers? We were all set to file, and you had my ex-husband go and see your snake lawyer just to be safe? You know, the attorney with bars on all the windows and a security door? He told my ex-husband to add verbiage in the agreement to protect himself from EVER having to pay child support. When my ex-husband presented me with the change, I wouldn't sign because it was not a true statement. Then we both hired lawyers and spent a good part of the boy's college fund. My ex-husband had to pay child support at the end of it all. A decision made by the judge, which he would never have had to if we had never gone to court. FYI, every cent of the child support went to pay off my attorney; what a waste. Oh, I just remembered you had me and my profession evaluated for income potential but didn't show the judge the results; I wonder why? During my deposition, you had my ex-husband Skyping to you with what was being said, but I figured it out and had that stopped. Geez, you wanted control over that as well? Not only did your interference cost us financially, but it affected my relationship with my ex-husband negatively, which in turn affected our children.
I am grateful for the day when my ex-husband flew to his hometown for his high school reunion (without you). Reconnected with his high school sweetheart, moved away, and married her.
Not having you in the picture when my sons graduated high school, got married, graduated college, and other milestones have been a blessing. I'm so grateful that I don't have to share my grandchildren with you. I'm basically just happy that you are not in our lives anymore! My ex-husband's new wife is a good person. Since they've been married, we've enjoyed celebrations and even stayed an Airbnb together with our sons, wives, and grandson for a family weekend. In fact, after writing this, I feel like sending her a big bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates!
In contrast to your co-parenting assistance, when our sons became adults, my ex-husband thanked my husband, over a shot of Tequila, for all he did for the boys. Because you see, my husband let us be the parents, and if I asked his opinion, he would recommend that I do whatever was best for the boys.